Admitted-ly

So I got up this morning to give my bird a bottle and decided to blog. Yesterday when I left here I was determined Luca and I spend the morning together and thats what we did. Walking around the zoo in its multiple mazes and keeping my son entertained with all my usual antics I thought a lot about the person I have become and who I used to be- not mentioned how TOTALLY oppositte those two people are. When I got pregnant I spent time eating, sleeping, dreaming, watching, talking, playing, reading, wondering, worrying, thinking, protecting wishing my baby. I was deep in thought all the time. Walking around the zoo it occurred to me I am still deep in thought even though my little bird is here. I am never alone in my thoughts and never want to be. Thats the difference. Before I had thoughts about relationships, friendships, people drama and other things that make a before family life mind work and now folks I could give a shit. This is my way of thinking and most of you who have kids may agree and some may not... good friends and good partners stick by and fight for you while others walk way and to be honest thats ok. I used to get bitter when I thought my family and what they became and ow seperate everyone is and now I see how it happened and why. And thats ok too. If you ask Toni about our conversations she will tell you 90% of every conversation revolves around Luca (what he ate, what he's doin, what he did today). Admitted-ly I am NOT the same person I was before. Some things lack- sex drive, time, conversation, communication and so on. Some people might call this a loss of control and seek their youth or try to piece their life back together the way they knew it I call it bliss and my reason for being. I am different. So if we haven't talked in a while don't take offense, those of you who don't have kids will understand when you do and those of you who do and still don't understand well then something is just lacking there...I am content to eat, sleep, dream, watch, talk, play, read, wonder, worry, think, and protect my baby no matter who big he gets.

9 month update

So as busy as I have been I have not forgotten my birdies 9 month update. There is much to report. He has-8 teeth working on 2 more currentlysits on his own with no issues and has great balance rolls all overcrawls backward everywhere and anywhere (though he has gone forward a few times he still prefers reverse lol) walks and navigates places in his walker as well as knew things to get intosings with music (la la la, ba ba ba, ma ma ma, maaaaaaaaaaaaaa, na na na ha ha and so on)is eating real food like fruits and breads on his own and feeding himself as long as the texture is to his liking lolis eating pureed mama made luca foods like apples with chicken breast, aspargus, fresh squash, peas and so on...is 33 lbs and 34 inches long though we havent got a height on him in awhilehas traveled on his first mini vacationmarveled at the ocean (if only we all could appreciate its greatness as he did)taste new and exciting things like pancake and chip beef gravy LOLbeen swimming in a pool with the mommiesput his tiny pigs in the sand and felt the surfHe is getting so big... I love him so much and he has just become my whole life. I talk about him constantly at work and its the point everyone who sees me asks "How's Luca?" LOL So for all you folks who want to know.. Luca is great. He is lighting my life and making me feel more blessed every single day.Tina

Dear Luca (part 3)

As Mama laid beside you in bed tonight she looked down at your tiny features and your little fist closed around my thumb and smiled. In every hour I think of your more than I think of anything else. And when I wake up in the morning I can't wait to see what the day will bring for us. I think of your movements inside my belly, your first day in the world, your first real smile, your sweet little laugh and the way you peek at me when you don't think I am paying attention (but always look at you from the corner of my eyes). I can't believe how blessed I am and how you have shaped my life into something so miraculous! Your Mama is so proud to call u her son and so grateful for that one amazing egg. I would have never guessed that such a blessing would be bestowed on me but give much thanks to the one that made it happen. I love you baby bird. Your Mama forever and all eternity.