I am at a loss. I am both excited and incredibly sad. I remember this time last year and going to the hospital for those last few checkups for him to come into the world and the time he spent as a tiny helpless little guy to this little independent boy who is all persanlity and playing. :-) Sometimes you wish you could get back some of those days when you just snuggled all day long and fed your baby, when housework didn't matter and when life was simpler. But now my baby is growing up. Yesterday we took a nap together and I woke up with a tear cause I was so happy to have him curled in my arms. A lot of people spend time trying to get a sitter and get away from there children and I just wanta be close to mine. I love him so much. Every single day is one I am not gonna get back. Working in hospice, I think I understand that more then anyone.
So this Monday I will be a cleaning full getting the house up to par for the "family" party on Thurs. Sat we head to Hampstead carnival with lots of children and have fun celebrating Luca's first year for everything it is! AMAZING! Stay tuned Thursday night for my reflection and tears as my baby grows up. I feel it coming on...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Odd Dreams...
Ok so last night I had my first remembered dream in ages. I dreamed I was in a hut someplace looking for this snake that a family memeber had asked me to find. (why people at my job were asking me to look for the snake I dont know, the fact that they did isnt all that surprising because people come to me for every damn thing LOL since I seem to be like the libray you need information... well go to Tina) So anyway... I go in the hut (again I cant explain the hut) but I am in there looking for the snake and I open a drawer. I reach in the drawer to get something the family member says they need and low and behold the snake is in there. LOL My luck. Of course its a cobra. And not just any cobra a monocled cobra which I knew in my dream. I pull it out and have it by the neck, something startles me and I get bit in between the thumb and index finger. Off to the hospital I go to get anti venom. Other then the buzzing sensation I get like I drank a couple shots of tequila I feel ok. The Doctors cant figure out why my skin isnt being eating away and why I am not dead but the administer the anti venom anyway. Weird huh? I have snake dreams regularly LOL but this one was odd. Monocled cobras of all snakes?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Posts from Myspace
10/20
So my son is growing at incredible rates. The fall is here the frost has come and leaves are falling. Christmas is right around the corner. November 5th I will be dragging out the tree and the ornaments and relieving the previous year in my head. How blessed we were to be where we are now. I love the holidays! His firsts we will never get these back and I am looking to make them the most MOST special!!!!More women around me are experiencing the joys of pregnancy and I am gonna have lots of baby shower invites soon! Yea! Toni and I are dieting hard core and are counting calories and eating healthier than ever. We had our first temptation in the way of girl scout cookies when the ones I ordered before this diet started were delivered by one of our neighbors yesterday. We left them in the box however and I felt really good about that. There is chocolate at work I have not touched either. I refused. I wanta start riding at some point so the weight needs to come off and the money situation get a little better. I owe it to myself for all this effort that I am putting into it. I would love to get back on Yankee if the old guy is still around and go cantering around the arena once again. *sigh* There is something so liberating about being on a horse and taking control of the reigns. Its almost like flying. I remember as a child riding my bike and pretending the handle bars were reigns and even calling the pink huffy (I didn't buy it LOL) Snoopy after the pony I had as a child and we went on adventure after adventure. Besides I want back into a 36 jeans. I was very sad to leave my bird his little ears were prolly ringing like nuts cause I spent a lot of time talking about him at work. He's so precious! It was nice to get back to see my friends there though. I did miss the interaction with the girls. Bird recognizes my voice now. I was in the kitchen fiddling around and he was sleeping in his swing when I went in. He heard me while I was in there and was looking in the direction for me so when I came around the counter there he was wide eyed smiling cause his Mama was there. SO cute. He hit a new milestone of play where he grabs for things now and holds them. He has 2 stuff toys I bought him for his fav shows (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Adventures of Tigger and Pooh) Pooh and Mickey and this is a pic of him holding onto his Mickey in his swing. You just dont know love until you have children. Its so pure and maternal!
10/23
So today is Toni's first official day as an employed truck driver. I am so proud of her. Luca and I are hanging out at the house watching Handy Manny which he has recently come to appreciate LOL. She will be off every Fri and Sat and I feel A LOT better then I did before because this is a scenario I was prepared for. I think she will like it though I know it hurts her to have to leave our little man. I have the camera sitting out to take lots of pics of him to send to her phone.
I am in a great mood this morning. The holidays are coming things are in perspective I am getting things done and on Nov 3rd I am dragging out our Christmas tree. (It's what I do don't try and convince me otherwise LOL it wont work) The weather has been cool enough for hot cocoa and coffee and I have my body back and a healthy son as well. WHAT COULD BE BETTER!!! I have to say it was nice to be able to move at work and have energy to do it. I was even given a commendation for helping out day shift from someone who isn't likely to give them out. Yesterday I put Luca in his walker (which I had to surround in blankets cause he isnt holding himself up yet LOL) and pushed him around the house making car sounds we had a good time. He is grabbing and reaching for things and talking up a storm! When he cries he says Maaa Maaaaaaa! LOL which is to cute. We know it isnt intentional though.
Aside from work we have a busy weekend coming up. Toni's mom's bday dinner this Saturday so that should be a lot of fun. I just have to convince myself to leave the black tie moouse (sp?) alone. *sigh* D Dieting is gonna be hard over the holidays. I am hoping my goal will keep me focused. I am eating a lot of fish (tuna, halibut, tilapia, mahi, salmon and even sardines lol) alot of veggies (currently I am totally digging steamed squash) and lots of apples, lopes and strawberries. I treat myself to the protein in peanut butter once a day. I have been staying away from bread and flour and eating a lot of salads as well. Its paying off I lost 5 lbs in less than a week so I have to be doing something right. Anyway... time to change the bird and get some stuff done. (school work *sigh*!)
10/28
So I am on my own this week. Toni is on the road getting through her training which should be completed by the 2nd week in Dec. Bird and I are gonna make the most of our time together and we have a lot of playing and snuggling on the schedule for the week. He sits not far from me now slowly falling asleep in his swing. He has hit the good nap milestone where he is sleeping a couple hours at a time in the middle of the afternoon. His weight stays at 16.8 and I dont think he has grown any longer since our appointment 2 weeks ago. He is in stage 2 diapers now and some 6-9 month clothes (anything with feeties). I am proud of how he has turned out. He had a good time at his Grandparents house last night and mentioned that they are enjoying his new little personality as opposed to the newborn sleep eat sleep eat. Speaking of eating he is eating 4 ozs every 2 hours or 5 ozs every 3 hours. Its a little lonely around here but I have to keep telling myself the situation is only temporary. Last thing to report is after this coming spring semester I will have a bachelors degree. I got the news today and I am excited. Thats all for now... enjoy the video of the little bird and thanks for taking the time to read. :-)
Ps I will post pics of the bird on Friday night in his official halloweenie costume.
11/4
So with a half an hour of sleep and a million things to do I have turned our little house into Christmas for the bird. I got to relive past Christmases through our ornaments and got to watch the bird's smiling face as I dangled each one in front of him for him to see. Yes I am a little nuts but I love the holidays and the longer I can enjoy the lights the happier it makes me. :-) For those who dont believe feast your eyes...ps. he bird is dreaming hard core in this video notice the funny faces.
I have so many reasons for voting the way I did and it isn't just because I am a democrat. I have never in my life gave 2 shits about the politics but now that I have a little bird in my life and I have gotten older I am seeing how important it is. I don't like McCain. I truly hope he doesn't get the election simply because it will be like having Bush another 4 years while the earth and the people go straight to shit. I could give a rats ass about Obama's father's religion, I certainly don't care that he is a half African American man (like some people in my town do) as I have a sister who is half as well as a niece and future niece or nephew on the way. Even though he doesnt support gay marriage he still supports civil union which we all know that gay rights was the first issue Bush crushed in his second turn. I want the rights to my partner. I want her to have rights concerning me. I am tired of the fucking war and all the money and death it has brought. I dont give a shit if Obama middle name is Hussein I dont care that he doesn't have experience all I care about is the future for my son and the life we have built, healtcare and the economy. McCain can't seperate church and state, he can't answer the questions the way he should, he want to help out people who already have tons of money, his vice president running mate is killing wild life, making women look horrible with her stupidity and wants you to pay for your own rape kit. We dont need another republican what we need is diversity and truth and I believe thats what we got with Obama. Cheers folks lets see what happens!!!!
11/7
So my week of excitement is over. My sister got to the Doctor, my son hit some new milestones and is very close to laughing, I made Christmas throw up in our house and it's clean thanks to my Ocd's. LOL I started my yoga (the whole video I wasn't able to get through it before do to the uncomfortability in my incision area) this week as a stress reliever and a little me time while Luca takes his evening snooze. He turned 12 weeks on Wends but wont echnically turn 3 months until the 13th of Nov. We have a lot to accomplsih this weekend groceries, Bj's (I need bottled water "fruit 20) and I need to get some more candles to smell up my place like pumpkin pie or something seasonal. I hate leaving my bird on the weekends. I kiss him a hundred times on Monday morning cause I am so glad its over. It wouldn't be so bad if I didnt need to sleep but I do. I go in Friday night and sleep Sat cause Toni watches him. Go in Sat and sleep Sun cause Fe is here. Then Monday morning I get about an hour nap after I bring him home from his Grandparents and am up until we go to bed at 9. Working the three days helps with bills. Gives me a little spending money when Toni starts raking in the big bucks and means that I get to socialize with adults to which I like the company of. Anyhow...time to get a paper done for school though I don't feel like it. LOL
11/9
Toni left us for another 5 days on the road. On the upside we are another week closer to the end of her training so I am dealing well. We have been making the most of our 2 days and its been nice. Luca sleeps in his co-sleeper in the crib now so we were actually able to get close under the covers and it was nice. He got his first taste of apple juice the other day. The pediatrician told me it was the thing to give him when he was constipated and needless to say he had NO trouble woofing it down. All the fruit I ate while pregnant he was in heaven. My poor bird his belly was bothering him and it was hard to pass the poop which came out this morning in a messy disaster lol. I say thankgod for Johnny Appleseed. We heard to beginning of a laugh yesterday. I was attacking his belly like I always do and started to chuckle then stopped looking startled cause I dont think he realized he could make that sound. It was a pure dee belly laugh! I love it! Ho Ho has started shopping for him this Christmas. He told me he bought luca a stuffed big bird and a talking book and he's going to buy him the Fischer Price Tippin Tiger ball toss for when he starts sitting up and having some tummy time. We are excited. I am gonna start his Disney Collection as well this Christmas. Mom called yesterday and said she wants to do some things together. I was impressed when she went on to further tell me that she wants to buy Luca some Christmas clothes and she wants my opinion on them so could we go shopping together. I am proud of her. I know she loves the shit out of Jada being her first Granddaughter and she has been doin well with Luca her first Grandson. She is making an effort and what really threw me for a loop is that she asked when Amara's ultrasound was. Which before she said she didn't want anything to do with her new baby cause she says she told her NOT to get pregnant. Well we all told her that and hell what can you do. The boyfriend made sure the house was clean when mom went over the other day to take her to the store. Which I was glad to hear. So anyways... not to much else to report. My birdie is napping so I am headed back to the couch to nap to. Have a great Sunday folks.
Ps. there will be a video almost every blog and a lot of new pics beings I take them for Toni since she doesnt get to see everything.
11/12
So today my bird is a little needy. He is wanting to snuggle snuggle snuggle and not entertain himself. It is too cute. Thursday he turns 3 months old officially and I am both sad and happy all at the same time. Its exciting to see him hit new milestones but then there is the realization that he will one say be bigger then me. The girls I work with were laughing at me cause the day he towers over my almost 6 foot is the day I buy a stool to gain the upper hand. LOL I have some things to fax to the lawyer for the second parent adoption and Toni and Luca have to go to the Doc's for a wellness check just to make sure they are both well the date the letter is written. :-) Thats all for now I know it wont be long before he comes out of the swing. He already looks pouty. Here is some video as promised.
11/13
Well my little bird has hit the quarter mark in this first year! How exciting! He is changing so much everyday! We have been so busy this week. After today I wont need to see Amara for a month and the surprise as to what she is having will be over. I will post that via this blog for anyone curious when we get back. On today's agenda we have to run to my job pick up my paycheck, go to the bank, pick up Amara, give Mom her pics of the baby, take Amara for the ultrasound, take her home and then come home and clean and get some school work done. :-) Its gonna be a big day. Officially this weekend the bird will be in 6-9 month clothes as his 3-6 don't fit anymore. Either his legs are to long or the shirt are to short and his belly sticks out. In other news whoever decided to make the wiggles must have been of the same annoying mind as he who created Barney! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Here's another video of yesterdays cookie making process. Have a good weekend folks!
11/18
So the other night my sister Felicia texted me a picture of her new Christmas Tree. I am now not the only one within 50 miles to decorate there tree more than a month before Christmas. Your tree is beautiful Fe! I have gotten teased about it but here are some of my reasons for doing it. My favorite part of Christmas every single year was putting up the Christmas tree. I can remember as a kid playing Christmas music in my room with colored paper and crayons making my own Christmas decoration long before Christmas ever came around. There is something so serene about sittin in your livingroom with the lights off with a cup of cocoa looking at this icon of Christmas with its colored lights and ornament memories which is now even more complete with the birth of our son. It brings your back to your youth, it gives you time to meditate and reflect, it makes worry less and be thankful more and most of all it makes you smile the hundreds of times people complment you on its looks. I have left a few balled places on it this year for Luca's ornaments that we will get for the week after thanksgiving. Something is so complete about Christmas when you have a kid. I now have someone to be equally as excited about it is I am and so stay tuned to my page to see Luca's first experiences with Santa cause when the jolly fat man hits the mall he will be sittin on his lap. Have a great week folks...
11/19
So I am in a sentimental sappy kinda mood. This time last year I was on crazy clomid hoping to conceive my son to which I succeeded. Today I am thankful for how well it all came together. While on the path to pregnancy I sort of made a pact with God to which I am thinking a lot about today. Everyone who knows me knows I am a religion buff. Religion in general interests me. Figuring out what people believe and why they believe its floats my boat. I don't condend anyone for their beliefs at all. Its one of those things that make us SO individual. Generally when I find out what a particular thing concerning a persons religious belief I ask a lot of questions. I have NEVER in my life thought "that's stupid" or "why?". That just doesn't matter to me. I myself subscribe to several different things though I am a baptised and confirmed Catholic. I choose Catholicism to be baptized before my cancer surgery because of them all (to which I did research intensively from and even went as far to peruse the book of Mormon and talk to a Rabbi) its the one I believed the most. It made the most sense to me I like the stories (of the saints) the miracles and the ritualism of it all. I however don't believe the Pope is anymore than a mascot and I don't believe a priest can absolve you of your sins. I don't see him as a mediator between you and God. I think that relationship is personal. Because of religion however Gays cant go to most churches because they become the topic of conversation, and its because of religion most of us have no rights. The hole Prop 8 thing SUCKS! If this country would just learn to separate church and state and look at religion like I do we wouldn't be in this situation. That's like going around telling a bunch of people "In God we trust" well what if God isn't in their belief system. That statement doesn't apply to them...Anyhow I am off my soap box for now.
I was looking up Christmas traditions in different countries and I found this for the Germans which I found interesting. One of my things is to be fluent in German since I am proud of my own ancestry. It is also the reason behind Luca's middle name spelling. Nicholaus. Anyhow... here is what I found.
11/24
So I have broken 2 toes. Folks the main big difference between Toni and I is that my idea of clean and clutter free is not the same as hers. Last night in the dark of our living room I walked straight into her overnight bag with wheel and seriously fucked up my 3rd and 4th toe.*sigh* This shit always seems to happen to me. Thanksgiving is days away and I am redy for turkey with all the fixins. Toni is days away from completeing her mentor program and will be getting her truck soons which means more money which in turn means I will be able to go PRN at work and spend days and nights with my little one. I never thought myself the type but lemme tell you I am crazy about my child! He is the light of my life and I just could NOT be happier. A nurse I work with said I look like I have fallen in love and I think thats a pretty good way to describe me lately. Luca continues to get bigger. As of friday he was 18.11 lbs and 28 inches long. I had to pull out our bigger car seat case I simply could not loosen the straps in the other one any more to accomidate him which you can see in the default he looks as though he is shoved in the thing. LOL The new car seat is more spacious and loose though I think we will need a 3 in 1 by the first of the year. Its hard to believe on the 13th he will be 4 months old. What a good boy. He has the sniffles the pure boy so the Doc gave me an antbiotic and decon to help him get over it. Today I anxiously await the donors consent to give up his rights via the fed x man this morning and will be stopping by the lawyers office to drop off the paperwork for second parent adoption. YEAH! Anyhow... Have a great week. I am gonna take some tylenol and watch some tv.
12/2
Couple of things going on. I have had it with taking it up the ass at my job and will be going for another interview on Wends to work 16 hours elsewhere. I will be staying on at my job PRN after I get hired. Luca is eating solids. He actually makes this constant MMMmmm Mmmmm mmm noise whenever he wants to eat or sees me eating. Its hilarious. Were on Applsauce for a while and will be offically starting peaches on Sat. School is almost over and I couldnt be MORE happy about that one month break. Toni is almost done with her training and will be getting her own truck the week of the 11th. Luca and I are headed out to the grocery store today to get some stuff for lunches and dinner here at the house for me during the week. So thats it for now. I need to get a head on some of this school work so I can take a couple days and NOT do anything. LOL
12/7
Looking outside today after shitting and puking my brains out I feel much better. I visited the toilet a couple times yesterday during the trip to sears to which I realized something. Folks those of you who have your kids 2 years apart or have children in diapers and can leave the house with them I applaud you. While my sickness which was most likely food poisoning reared its ugly head, while it snowed when they weren't even calling for it and while we had an appointment with the people of Sears I picked up my 2 year old niece and had my son and off we went to have pics taken. My sister doesn't know how to discipline her child so I suffered for it yesterday. Luca was sort of OK through everything the pics he smiled in had either my hand accidentally or the woman's hair in them so we got a good pic of him looking at the camera but not really smiling. He looked like Santa's little helper in his Santa suit. Jada was cute in her little Ms. Claus outfit but wouldn't wear the hat. So together they look like Mr. and Mrs. Claus. LOL The pic of them by themselves turned out real well but it was a HELL of a fiasco. Jada kept running out of the room and Luca was smiling when she was pouting it was a mess. We brought 2 diaper bags our coats and Luca's change of clothes so he didnt druel on the Santie suit. *Sigh* It was a mess. Pics will be posted the 18th when we pick them up.
Toni and I have given it a lot of thought and we are gonna say "no" to more kids. We want to show Luca the world and give him everything in life and financially its harder with more then one. I asked her if she would regret not passing on her genes and she said NO. LOL Adamantly. So you read it here folks. We also discussed the plans for 2 years. We are moving someplace where that allows civil union's for a year then its off to the mountains somewhere to raise our son in private and without bullshit. We have it planned out. Everyone pray MD passes it so in 2 years we can just move to our new house and not have a detour.
Since we can afford it I am gonna stay home with my bird working PRN at 2 different places to help until he's three. I then will go back into the working world while he is in pre-school to use my degree either working with developmentally disabled folks or with children with autism or physical disabilities. I haven't decided yet. I am gonna go kiss my girl goodbye in her last week of training and then bath my baby. Enjoy the rest of your weekend folks and the snow.
12/22
Dear Luca, 12/22/08
I took the time while I was pregnant to write you a little letter as you grew within my womb and now I feel the need to write another while you are here our world.
As I lay in bed with your Mommy tonight I thought of so many wonderful things. When I saw you the first time I felt as though I was seeing someone so familiar to me. I was seeing you. The essence of you. Your future. My love. My creation and my soul. I watched your tiny face as you saw this world for the first time and I couldn't help but to be in awe. How many firsts you will have and how your future will pan out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you and there is no love greater then that which we share. I still see your broad chest, your little skinny legs and your tiny squinty eyes looking at me when I held your the first time. The bond was incredible! Now your here growing teeth, rolling over, clinging to me each time I put a pacifier to your mouth and yelling Mamaaaaaaa when you want comfort. My little angel. Tonight your Mommy and I talked about how different our lives were, of our plans for the future and of the "marvel" you truly are. Tonight I knew I needed to get out of bed and come down here and blog these words as a memory for you of this night which isn't that special since its everynight that your complete and amaze me.
I love you son!
12/23
So my little bird is giving the Grandparents a hard way to go. LOL I was told today that he cries much of the time I am gone from him won't eat and can'tbe comforted. What does that say? I have a strong connection with my baby. We spend 99% of our time together (last night I even put him in the bed when he couldn't get comfortable). He wants what he wants and at 4 months old is VERY capable of letting EVERYONE know or make their life a living hell in the process. Sooner or later he will grow out of it but as our pediatrician told me in the beginning at this age there is no such thing as spoiling your baby.
Mama is in the process of making his mash potatoes ahead of time for Christmas Eve dinner. He has been eating so well. I don't know whether or not I am to blame though for his lack of enthusiasm in the veggie dept. I ate a lot of potato products and fruit when I was pregnant. Its the only thing that tasted right to me.
Toni will be home some time tommorow but were not sure what time. We celebrate Christmas Eve at her parents house. This year were having prime rib. YUM! I am cooking a VERY large Ham dinner for my family Christmas Day which will consist of real cheesy mashed potatoes and green bean casserole which I can never get enough of on the holidays. I have a recipe for an awesome ham glaze I wanta try.
Happy Holidays to your all! And see you in the New Year!
12/27
So today before going to sit with the elderly I decided that I would take it easy. The bird and I have spent a lot of time snuggling and I have spent a lot of time on my ass reading a Jenny McCarthy book I got for Christmas called "baby laughs". I read her "Belly laughs" while I was preggo and for a first time Mom it was a little scarey but HILARIOUS!
I have managed to put the clothes away and organize the desk a little. I am also working on this digital frame Fe gave me and waiting forever as it finds the 50 millions pics I have stored in this pc. :-)
Luca is taking his nap. Its nice now I can tell when he is tired since he rubs his eyes and pouts. He is currently asleep on his little bed snoozing away. Below is a VERY cute video I took of him eating last night. He was starting to get sleepy (another sign is the rubbing of the back of his head with whatever it happens to be on) and I was trying to get the rest of his dinner into him. He does eat well. This video however speaks miles in his thoughts of sweet potatoes but he did finish 3/4 of a jar. Right now he is consuming 6 formula sized scoops of cereal per day, 2 1/2 jars of some kind of fruit and 1/2 to 3/4 a jar of veggies. I am gonna try prunes next to see if he likes them as well as adding that turkey stage 1 to his diet that he had on Christmas Eve.
Enjoy! It might take a little while to process by youtube so come back now ya here! LOL
12/31
So the last couple days have worn me out completely. On the upside I got my phone back, Christmas was great, I finally finished 2 whole books without having to listen to them in my car, my house is clean (for the most part) and my sister's baby now 28 weeks gestation is perfectly healthy. These are all good positive things. The best of all is the fact that the judge will see us some day after 1/1 to decide on whether or not Toni should become Luca's legal "other parent". Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for us folks. We have struggled a lot lately with Toni taking on a new career, the low funds and the stress that comes with life. Luca came and brought with him so much hope and light into our lives and we deserve this. We created him in the utmost love! And if we hadn't need the sperm we wouldn't be asking a courts permission. The court welcomes people to come to this hearing. In fact the more the merrier. So if you can come please do. The more people the judge sees the more he is liable to say YES! I will post the day before. They don't give you anymore notice then that. The judge says when he can do it and that's it. One other one in Carroll County passed for a same sex couple and we are hoping to be number two. Thats it for now... keep an eye out for the post I got feed a birdie and get his bath done. Have a good night folks!
1/7
So I am up in our bedroom snuggling the bird when I decided to call the direct TV people to finally get the satellite working up there since its been out of whack for the last month or so. I go through the automated thing and it doesn't fix my problem so I get a customer service guy. I tell her my issue and he tells goes into my account in the meantime Luca is laughing and cooing away at me as I am making faces at him. The guy says to me the following like this.
Him- "You have a baby"
Me-"Yep a 5 month old, we were hoping to snuggle and watch the tube a while"
Him- "My baby is 4 years old"
Me- "Awww, you gonna have any more"
Him- "If it's a boy I am stopping there"
At that point I think typical male but let it go. He goes on to tell me that his daughter is a daddy's girl and he is very proud of her ability to box amongst other things. I am polite as I always am and leave it at that. Then the conversation goes here.
Him- "Is his Father around"
Me- "We used a sperm donor" (the we should have tipped him off)
Him- "Couldn't find the right guy?"
Me- "No, my partner wasn't producing the right fluid."
Silence...
Him-"Oh..."
So to ease the tension I wish him luck on his baby boy making process.
The whole thing was a little longer then this but you get the drift I just thought I would share.The tv is fixed. I am off to cook some salmon for dinner and get out some sweet taters and nanners for the bird. Have a good week folks.
So my little bird is growing up. I decided to write this blog today because I was astonished at a couple different things. 1 he is quickly approaching the 23 lb mark 2 his legs hang out of the longer infant car seat I had for him when they didn't weren't quite there a week ago and 3 I stare all day long at his hospital pic hanging in my living room and I can't believe how different he looks. *sigh* They grow up so fast. This time last year I was 8 or 9 weeks pregnant trying to hold my cookies on a rocking boat headed for the Caribbean able to eat nothing more then frozen yogurt and fruit cups. LMAO
1/8
Last night I tried getting him to sleep on his own but he wasn't having it. He was so tired. Finally at 9 pm (normally he goes to bed at 7:30) I put him in bed beside me and he was breathing softly in my boobs 5 minutes later. I have had a couple people tell me that only children are spoiled and that might be the case but one child or several are always gonna feel as though you favor another more no matter what you do to prevent it. Those of us who have siblings no this for a fact. Life is a competition in the household. I actually had a woman lecture me when I told her Luca would be my only one at the Jiffy Lube. What is wrong with people these days? I am happy with my son. I feel complete with him in my life. I think the number of children you decide to have is an individual choice. This isn't china is your want 10 kids I say go for it. I want 1. I have him and I have never been happier. Anyway...its my uterus I'll designate who lives in it. :-)
1/22
The invisible cord...
Here is what I have come up with over the last couple of months and what I know to be true as a Mother. Just because a Doctor severs an umbilical cord after a baby is born does not mean anything. I have told Toni, Luca has an invisible cord connecting him to me. I wake up every night just before he does. Tonight I woke up before he started rustling around in his sleep to watch him. (I do that sometimes) He sleeps so peaceful like a little boy all tucked in his bed beside ours snoozing away. My Grandmother used to open my bedroom door ever night between 2:15 and 2:30am on her way to the bathroom to check on me. So yes I am up at 3 am in the morning reflecting on how much I love him and how blessed I am that he is ours.
1/26
So for whatever reason I get around to blogging when I do the morning feeding for the bird. I don't know why but after 2 am I start to feel both sentimental and inspirational all at the same time. The week ahead is full of so many changes. And I felt the need to talk about some of them here. Plus for those of you who aren't on facebook you wouldn't have seen the latest Luca video. :-) So tomorrow starts the week, I have my final interview/meeting to determine whether or not I will be making the move to this new job and back to an old way of life that will yet again become a large part of my own. Toni isn't happy being away from us. I don't blame her. In order for us to be together we all have to make sacrifices and I have to give up the idea of spending the first year of my son's life at home with him. It's really painful. I used to tell everyone all the time that I was never alone (while I was pregnant) cause here I was carrying around my little miracle and now I will be giving up a big portion of my life to something that doesn't even compare to him in any way shape or form. I realize however though that I can't be selfish. I wasn't raised that way and I still will have a great deal of time off with my little bird. Until May things will be hectic. I will be struggling to finish my degree ( I AM SOOOOOO READY to be done with school) and Toni will be looking for employment around here. Luca will have us and won't be seeing the inside of a daycare center which was my stipulation. (I WON'T have it any other way. Period.) Friday is our Second Parent Adoption hearing. I am holding out for the judge who allowed the last one so keep your fingers crossed for us folks. I am ready for that chapter to close as well and for things to be as they were intended to be. School is moving along nicely. I really like the Native American History (upper level)class. I had to watch Apocalypto (great movie but the beginning will piss you off) for it which was good but the teacher has been piling on the work like crazy!
Luca update:
He is twisting and turning, still support sitting (though he can hold himself up for long periods), doing 360's all over the place, sleeping in his crib at night (only getting up once), eating stage 2 foods like Chicken and rice dinner (which he LOVED!), still weighing in at 23 lbs, still wearing 12-18 month clothes, still 31" long, working hard on those upper teeth (that I thought had cut but didn't), propeling himself backward in the walker, hopping around like a silly boy in the jumparoo (set to stage 3 now cause he is so long) and has found a new love of sing-a-long DVD's like Sesame Streets "Monster Hits" (I dont know what it is with him and monsters) and the "Lion King Sing-a-Long" Thanks God for the library! lol
Latest books read: The perfect spot
20 hungry piggies
1/30
The second parent adoption is done. WE WON! Thats right folks. The judge we got recently passed it for a couple who was adopting a child they were fostering (a gay couple). Before he refused to even hear the cases so he has come a long way. Zoa, Felicia, Cheryl, Toni, Luca and I went into the courtroom to stand before him in hopes all would go well. The judge came in after making us wait. Toni sweated and worried the entire time. I had the power of positive thinking backing me and put on the charm for the judge who smiled at me a couple times during the hearing as I stated why I thought Toni should be allowed to adopt him. I put it simply. We created him together. He was a planend pregnancy to the enth degree. They bonded. They share a relationship that is equal to that of any Mother and child and he has heard his voice since his ears started developing in the womb. He loves her. Why shouldn't she have the right to be his parent as well? We created him in love together. As I told the cable guy the difference was she didn't produce the right fluid. ( I didn't say that part to the judge). My testimony and Toni's led the judge to believe she was a "moral and just" person and he sign the paper allowing her to become his second parent. So we are a family! Everyone who came cried. YEAH!!!!! See pics in the "Our son" album.
So my son is growing at incredible rates. The fall is here the frost has come and leaves are falling. Christmas is right around the corner. November 5th I will be dragging out the tree and the ornaments and relieving the previous year in my head. How blessed we were to be where we are now. I love the holidays! His firsts we will never get these back and I am looking to make them the most MOST special!!!!More women around me are experiencing the joys of pregnancy and I am gonna have lots of baby shower invites soon! Yea! Toni and I are dieting hard core and are counting calories and eating healthier than ever. We had our first temptation in the way of girl scout cookies when the ones I ordered before this diet started were delivered by one of our neighbors yesterday. We left them in the box however and I felt really good about that. There is chocolate at work I have not touched either. I refused. I wanta start riding at some point so the weight needs to come off and the money situation get a little better. I owe it to myself for all this effort that I am putting into it. I would love to get back on Yankee if the old guy is still around and go cantering around the arena once again. *sigh* There is something so liberating about being on a horse and taking control of the reigns. Its almost like flying. I remember as a child riding my bike and pretending the handle bars were reigns and even calling the pink huffy (I didn't buy it LOL) Snoopy after the pony I had as a child and we went on adventure after adventure. Besides I want back into a 36 jeans. I was very sad to leave my bird his little ears were prolly ringing like nuts cause I spent a lot of time talking about him at work. He's so precious! It was nice to get back to see my friends there though. I did miss the interaction with the girls. Bird recognizes my voice now. I was in the kitchen fiddling around and he was sleeping in his swing when I went in. He heard me while I was in there and was looking in the direction for me so when I came around the counter there he was wide eyed smiling cause his Mama was there. SO cute. He hit a new milestone of play where he grabs for things now and holds them. He has 2 stuff toys I bought him for his fav shows (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Adventures of Tigger and Pooh) Pooh and Mickey and this is a pic of him holding onto his Mickey in his swing. You just dont know love until you have children. Its so pure and maternal!
10/23
So today is Toni's first official day as an employed truck driver. I am so proud of her. Luca and I are hanging out at the house watching Handy Manny which he has recently come to appreciate LOL. She will be off every Fri and Sat and I feel A LOT better then I did before because this is a scenario I was prepared for. I think she will like it though I know it hurts her to have to leave our little man. I have the camera sitting out to take lots of pics of him to send to her phone.
I am in a great mood this morning. The holidays are coming things are in perspective I am getting things done and on Nov 3rd I am dragging out our Christmas tree. (It's what I do don't try and convince me otherwise LOL it wont work) The weather has been cool enough for hot cocoa and coffee and I have my body back and a healthy son as well. WHAT COULD BE BETTER!!! I have to say it was nice to be able to move at work and have energy to do it. I was even given a commendation for helping out day shift from someone who isn't likely to give them out. Yesterday I put Luca in his walker (which I had to surround in blankets cause he isnt holding himself up yet LOL) and pushed him around the house making car sounds we had a good time. He is grabbing and reaching for things and talking up a storm! When he cries he says Maaa Maaaaaaa! LOL which is to cute. We know it isnt intentional though.
Aside from work we have a busy weekend coming up. Toni's mom's bday dinner this Saturday so that should be a lot of fun. I just have to convince myself to leave the black tie moouse (sp?) alone. *sigh* D Dieting is gonna be hard over the holidays. I am hoping my goal will keep me focused. I am eating a lot of fish (tuna, halibut, tilapia, mahi, salmon and even sardines lol) alot of veggies (currently I am totally digging steamed squash) and lots of apples, lopes and strawberries. I treat myself to the protein in peanut butter once a day. I have been staying away from bread and flour and eating a lot of salads as well. Its paying off I lost 5 lbs in less than a week so I have to be doing something right. Anyway... time to change the bird and get some stuff done. (school work *sigh*!)
10/28
So I am on my own this week. Toni is on the road getting through her training which should be completed by the 2nd week in Dec. Bird and I are gonna make the most of our time together and we have a lot of playing and snuggling on the schedule for the week. He sits not far from me now slowly falling asleep in his swing. He has hit the good nap milestone where he is sleeping a couple hours at a time in the middle of the afternoon. His weight stays at 16.8 and I dont think he has grown any longer since our appointment 2 weeks ago. He is in stage 2 diapers now and some 6-9 month clothes (anything with feeties). I am proud of how he has turned out. He had a good time at his Grandparents house last night and mentioned that they are enjoying his new little personality as opposed to the newborn sleep eat sleep eat. Speaking of eating he is eating 4 ozs every 2 hours or 5 ozs every 3 hours. Its a little lonely around here but I have to keep telling myself the situation is only temporary. Last thing to report is after this coming spring semester I will have a bachelors degree. I got the news today and I am excited. Thats all for now... enjoy the video of the little bird and thanks for taking the time to read. :-)
Ps I will post pics of the bird on Friday night in his official halloweenie costume.
11/4
So with a half an hour of sleep and a million things to do I have turned our little house into Christmas for the bird. I got to relive past Christmases through our ornaments and got to watch the bird's smiling face as I dangled each one in front of him for him to see. Yes I am a little nuts but I love the holidays and the longer I can enjoy the lights the happier it makes me. :-) For those who dont believe feast your eyes...ps. he bird is dreaming hard core in this video notice the funny faces.
I have so many reasons for voting the way I did and it isn't just because I am a democrat. I have never in my life gave 2 shits about the politics but now that I have a little bird in my life and I have gotten older I am seeing how important it is. I don't like McCain. I truly hope he doesn't get the election simply because it will be like having Bush another 4 years while the earth and the people go straight to shit. I could give a rats ass about Obama's father's religion, I certainly don't care that he is a half African American man (like some people in my town do) as I have a sister who is half as well as a niece and future niece or nephew on the way. Even though he doesnt support gay marriage he still supports civil union which we all know that gay rights was the first issue Bush crushed in his second turn. I want the rights to my partner. I want her to have rights concerning me. I am tired of the fucking war and all the money and death it has brought. I dont give a shit if Obama middle name is Hussein I dont care that he doesn't have experience all I care about is the future for my son and the life we have built, healtcare and the economy. McCain can't seperate church and state, he can't answer the questions the way he should, he want to help out people who already have tons of money, his vice president running mate is killing wild life, making women look horrible with her stupidity and wants you to pay for your own rape kit. We dont need another republican what we need is diversity and truth and I believe thats what we got with Obama. Cheers folks lets see what happens!!!!
11/7
So my week of excitement is over. My sister got to the Doctor, my son hit some new milestones and is very close to laughing, I made Christmas throw up in our house and it's clean thanks to my Ocd's. LOL I started my yoga (the whole video I wasn't able to get through it before do to the uncomfortability in my incision area) this week as a stress reliever and a little me time while Luca takes his evening snooze. He turned 12 weeks on Wends but wont echnically turn 3 months until the 13th of Nov. We have a lot to accomplsih this weekend groceries, Bj's (I need bottled water "fruit 20) and I need to get some more candles to smell up my place like pumpkin pie or something seasonal. I hate leaving my bird on the weekends. I kiss him a hundred times on Monday morning cause I am so glad its over. It wouldn't be so bad if I didnt need to sleep but I do. I go in Friday night and sleep Sat cause Toni watches him. Go in Sat and sleep Sun cause Fe is here. Then Monday morning I get about an hour nap after I bring him home from his Grandparents and am up until we go to bed at 9. Working the three days helps with bills. Gives me a little spending money when Toni starts raking in the big bucks and means that I get to socialize with adults to which I like the company of. Anyhow...time to get a paper done for school though I don't feel like it. LOL
11/9
Toni left us for another 5 days on the road. On the upside we are another week closer to the end of her training so I am dealing well. We have been making the most of our 2 days and its been nice. Luca sleeps in his co-sleeper in the crib now so we were actually able to get close under the covers and it was nice. He got his first taste of apple juice the other day. The pediatrician told me it was the thing to give him when he was constipated and needless to say he had NO trouble woofing it down. All the fruit I ate while pregnant he was in heaven. My poor bird his belly was bothering him and it was hard to pass the poop which came out this morning in a messy disaster lol. I say thankgod for Johnny Appleseed. We heard to beginning of a laugh yesterday. I was attacking his belly like I always do and started to chuckle then stopped looking startled cause I dont think he realized he could make that sound. It was a pure dee belly laugh! I love it! Ho Ho has started shopping for him this Christmas. He told me he bought luca a stuffed big bird and a talking book and he's going to buy him the Fischer Price Tippin Tiger ball toss for when he starts sitting up and having some tummy time. We are excited. I am gonna start his Disney Collection as well this Christmas. Mom called yesterday and said she wants to do some things together. I was impressed when she went on to further tell me that she wants to buy Luca some Christmas clothes and she wants my opinion on them so could we go shopping together. I am proud of her. I know she loves the shit out of Jada being her first Granddaughter and she has been doin well with Luca her first Grandson. She is making an effort and what really threw me for a loop is that she asked when Amara's ultrasound was. Which before she said she didn't want anything to do with her new baby cause she says she told her NOT to get pregnant. Well we all told her that and hell what can you do. The boyfriend made sure the house was clean when mom went over the other day to take her to the store. Which I was glad to hear. So anyways... not to much else to report. My birdie is napping so I am headed back to the couch to nap to. Have a great Sunday folks.
Ps. there will be a video almost every blog and a lot of new pics beings I take them for Toni since she doesnt get to see everything.
11/12
So today my bird is a little needy. He is wanting to snuggle snuggle snuggle and not entertain himself. It is too cute. Thursday he turns 3 months old officially and I am both sad and happy all at the same time. Its exciting to see him hit new milestones but then there is the realization that he will one say be bigger then me. The girls I work with were laughing at me cause the day he towers over my almost 6 foot is the day I buy a stool to gain the upper hand. LOL I have some things to fax to the lawyer for the second parent adoption and Toni and Luca have to go to the Doc's for a wellness check just to make sure they are both well the date the letter is written. :-) Thats all for now I know it wont be long before he comes out of the swing. He already looks pouty. Here is some video as promised.
11/13
Well my little bird has hit the quarter mark in this first year! How exciting! He is changing so much everyday! We have been so busy this week. After today I wont need to see Amara for a month and the surprise as to what she is having will be over. I will post that via this blog for anyone curious when we get back. On today's agenda we have to run to my job pick up my paycheck, go to the bank, pick up Amara, give Mom her pics of the baby, take Amara for the ultrasound, take her home and then come home and clean and get some school work done. :-) Its gonna be a big day. Officially this weekend the bird will be in 6-9 month clothes as his 3-6 don't fit anymore. Either his legs are to long or the shirt are to short and his belly sticks out. In other news whoever decided to make the wiggles must have been of the same annoying mind as he who created Barney! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Here's another video of yesterdays cookie making process. Have a good weekend folks!
11/18
So the other night my sister Felicia texted me a picture of her new Christmas Tree. I am now not the only one within 50 miles to decorate there tree more than a month before Christmas. Your tree is beautiful Fe! I have gotten teased about it but here are some of my reasons for doing it. My favorite part of Christmas every single year was putting up the Christmas tree. I can remember as a kid playing Christmas music in my room with colored paper and crayons making my own Christmas decoration long before Christmas ever came around. There is something so serene about sittin in your livingroom with the lights off with a cup of cocoa looking at this icon of Christmas with its colored lights and ornament memories which is now even more complete with the birth of our son. It brings your back to your youth, it gives you time to meditate and reflect, it makes worry less and be thankful more and most of all it makes you smile the hundreds of times people complment you on its looks. I have left a few balled places on it this year for Luca's ornaments that we will get for the week after thanksgiving. Something is so complete about Christmas when you have a kid. I now have someone to be equally as excited about it is I am and so stay tuned to my page to see Luca's first experiences with Santa cause when the jolly fat man hits the mall he will be sittin on his lap. Have a great week folks...
11/19
So I am in a sentimental sappy kinda mood. This time last year I was on crazy clomid hoping to conceive my son to which I succeeded. Today I am thankful for how well it all came together. While on the path to pregnancy I sort of made a pact with God to which I am thinking a lot about today. Everyone who knows me knows I am a religion buff. Religion in general interests me. Figuring out what people believe and why they believe its floats my boat. I don't condend anyone for their beliefs at all. Its one of those things that make us SO individual. Generally when I find out what a particular thing concerning a persons religious belief I ask a lot of questions. I have NEVER in my life thought "that's stupid" or "why?". That just doesn't matter to me. I myself subscribe to several different things though I am a baptised and confirmed Catholic. I choose Catholicism to be baptized before my cancer surgery because of them all (to which I did research intensively from and even went as far to peruse the book of Mormon and talk to a Rabbi) its the one I believed the most. It made the most sense to me I like the stories (of the saints) the miracles and the ritualism of it all. I however don't believe the Pope is anymore than a mascot and I don't believe a priest can absolve you of your sins. I don't see him as a mediator between you and God. I think that relationship is personal. Because of religion however Gays cant go to most churches because they become the topic of conversation, and its because of religion most of us have no rights. The hole Prop 8 thing SUCKS! If this country would just learn to separate church and state and look at religion like I do we wouldn't be in this situation. That's like going around telling a bunch of people "In God we trust" well what if God isn't in their belief system. That statement doesn't apply to them...Anyhow I am off my soap box for now.
I was looking up Christmas traditions in different countries and I found this for the Germans which I found interesting. One of my things is to be fluent in German since I am proud of my own ancestry. It is also the reason behind Luca's middle name spelling. Nicholaus. Anyhow... here is what I found.
11/24
So I have broken 2 toes. Folks the main big difference between Toni and I is that my idea of clean and clutter free is not the same as hers. Last night in the dark of our living room I walked straight into her overnight bag with wheel and seriously fucked up my 3rd and 4th toe.*sigh* This shit always seems to happen to me. Thanksgiving is days away and I am redy for turkey with all the fixins. Toni is days away from completeing her mentor program and will be getting her truck soons which means more money which in turn means I will be able to go PRN at work and spend days and nights with my little one. I never thought myself the type but lemme tell you I am crazy about my child! He is the light of my life and I just could NOT be happier. A nurse I work with said I look like I have fallen in love and I think thats a pretty good way to describe me lately. Luca continues to get bigger. As of friday he was 18.11 lbs and 28 inches long. I had to pull out our bigger car seat case I simply could not loosen the straps in the other one any more to accomidate him which you can see in the default he looks as though he is shoved in the thing. LOL The new car seat is more spacious and loose though I think we will need a 3 in 1 by the first of the year. Its hard to believe on the 13th he will be 4 months old. What a good boy. He has the sniffles the pure boy so the Doc gave me an antbiotic and decon to help him get over it. Today I anxiously await the donors consent to give up his rights via the fed x man this morning and will be stopping by the lawyers office to drop off the paperwork for second parent adoption. YEAH! Anyhow... Have a great week. I am gonna take some tylenol and watch some tv.
12/2
Couple of things going on. I have had it with taking it up the ass at my job and will be going for another interview on Wends to work 16 hours elsewhere. I will be staying on at my job PRN after I get hired. Luca is eating solids. He actually makes this constant MMMmmm Mmmmm mmm noise whenever he wants to eat or sees me eating. Its hilarious. Were on Applsauce for a while and will be offically starting peaches on Sat. School is almost over and I couldnt be MORE happy about that one month break. Toni is almost done with her training and will be getting her own truck the week of the 11th. Luca and I are headed out to the grocery store today to get some stuff for lunches and dinner here at the house for me during the week. So thats it for now. I need to get a head on some of this school work so I can take a couple days and NOT do anything. LOL
12/7
Looking outside today after shitting and puking my brains out I feel much better. I visited the toilet a couple times yesterday during the trip to sears to which I realized something. Folks those of you who have your kids 2 years apart or have children in diapers and can leave the house with them I applaud you. While my sickness which was most likely food poisoning reared its ugly head, while it snowed when they weren't even calling for it and while we had an appointment with the people of Sears I picked up my 2 year old niece and had my son and off we went to have pics taken. My sister doesn't know how to discipline her child so I suffered for it yesterday. Luca was sort of OK through everything the pics he smiled in had either my hand accidentally or the woman's hair in them so we got a good pic of him looking at the camera but not really smiling. He looked like Santa's little helper in his Santa suit. Jada was cute in her little Ms. Claus outfit but wouldn't wear the hat. So together they look like Mr. and Mrs. Claus. LOL The pic of them by themselves turned out real well but it was a HELL of a fiasco. Jada kept running out of the room and Luca was smiling when she was pouting it was a mess. We brought 2 diaper bags our coats and Luca's change of clothes so he didnt druel on the Santie suit. *Sigh* It was a mess. Pics will be posted the 18th when we pick them up.
Toni and I have given it a lot of thought and we are gonna say "no" to more kids. We want to show Luca the world and give him everything in life and financially its harder with more then one. I asked her if she would regret not passing on her genes and she said NO. LOL Adamantly. So you read it here folks. We also discussed the plans for 2 years. We are moving someplace where that allows civil union's for a year then its off to the mountains somewhere to raise our son in private and without bullshit. We have it planned out. Everyone pray MD passes it so in 2 years we can just move to our new house and not have a detour.
Since we can afford it I am gonna stay home with my bird working PRN at 2 different places to help until he's three. I then will go back into the working world while he is in pre-school to use my degree either working with developmentally disabled folks or with children with autism or physical disabilities. I haven't decided yet. I am gonna go kiss my girl goodbye in her last week of training and then bath my baby. Enjoy the rest of your weekend folks and the snow.
12/22
Dear Luca, 12/22/08
I took the time while I was pregnant to write you a little letter as you grew within my womb and now I feel the need to write another while you are here our world.
As I lay in bed with your Mommy tonight I thought of so many wonderful things. When I saw you the first time I felt as though I was seeing someone so familiar to me. I was seeing you. The essence of you. Your future. My love. My creation and my soul. I watched your tiny face as you saw this world for the first time and I couldn't help but to be in awe. How many firsts you will have and how your future will pan out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you and there is no love greater then that which we share. I still see your broad chest, your little skinny legs and your tiny squinty eyes looking at me when I held your the first time. The bond was incredible! Now your here growing teeth, rolling over, clinging to me each time I put a pacifier to your mouth and yelling Mamaaaaaaa when you want comfort. My little angel. Tonight your Mommy and I talked about how different our lives were, of our plans for the future and of the "marvel" you truly are. Tonight I knew I needed to get out of bed and come down here and blog these words as a memory for you of this night which isn't that special since its everynight that your complete and amaze me.
I love you son!
12/23
So my little bird is giving the Grandparents a hard way to go. LOL I was told today that he cries much of the time I am gone from him won't eat and can'tbe comforted. What does that say? I have a strong connection with my baby. We spend 99% of our time together (last night I even put him in the bed when he couldn't get comfortable). He wants what he wants and at 4 months old is VERY capable of letting EVERYONE know or make their life a living hell in the process. Sooner or later he will grow out of it but as our pediatrician told me in the beginning at this age there is no such thing as spoiling your baby.
Mama is in the process of making his mash potatoes ahead of time for Christmas Eve dinner. He has been eating so well. I don't know whether or not I am to blame though for his lack of enthusiasm in the veggie dept. I ate a lot of potato products and fruit when I was pregnant. Its the only thing that tasted right to me.
Toni will be home some time tommorow but were not sure what time. We celebrate Christmas Eve at her parents house. This year were having prime rib. YUM! I am cooking a VERY large Ham dinner for my family Christmas Day which will consist of real cheesy mashed potatoes and green bean casserole which I can never get enough of on the holidays. I have a recipe for an awesome ham glaze I wanta try.
Happy Holidays to your all! And see you in the New Year!
12/27
So today before going to sit with the elderly I decided that I would take it easy. The bird and I have spent a lot of time snuggling and I have spent a lot of time on my ass reading a Jenny McCarthy book I got for Christmas called "baby laughs". I read her "Belly laughs" while I was preggo and for a first time Mom it was a little scarey but HILARIOUS!
I have managed to put the clothes away and organize the desk a little. I am also working on this digital frame Fe gave me and waiting forever as it finds the 50 millions pics I have stored in this pc. :-)
Luca is taking his nap. Its nice now I can tell when he is tired since he rubs his eyes and pouts. He is currently asleep on his little bed snoozing away. Below is a VERY cute video I took of him eating last night. He was starting to get sleepy (another sign is the rubbing of the back of his head with whatever it happens to be on) and I was trying to get the rest of his dinner into him. He does eat well. This video however speaks miles in his thoughts of sweet potatoes but he did finish 3/4 of a jar. Right now he is consuming 6 formula sized scoops of cereal per day, 2 1/2 jars of some kind of fruit and 1/2 to 3/4 a jar of veggies. I am gonna try prunes next to see if he likes them as well as adding that turkey stage 1 to his diet that he had on Christmas Eve.
Enjoy! It might take a little while to process by youtube so come back now ya here! LOL
12/31
So the last couple days have worn me out completely. On the upside I got my phone back, Christmas was great, I finally finished 2 whole books without having to listen to them in my car, my house is clean (for the most part) and my sister's baby now 28 weeks gestation is perfectly healthy. These are all good positive things. The best of all is the fact that the judge will see us some day after 1/1 to decide on whether or not Toni should become Luca's legal "other parent". Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for us folks. We have struggled a lot lately with Toni taking on a new career, the low funds and the stress that comes with life. Luca came and brought with him so much hope and light into our lives and we deserve this. We created him in the utmost love! And if we hadn't need the sperm we wouldn't be asking a courts permission. The court welcomes people to come to this hearing. In fact the more the merrier. So if you can come please do. The more people the judge sees the more he is liable to say YES! I will post the day before. They don't give you anymore notice then that. The judge says when he can do it and that's it. One other one in Carroll County passed for a same sex couple and we are hoping to be number two. Thats it for now... keep an eye out for the post I got feed a birdie and get his bath done. Have a good night folks!
1/7
So I am up in our bedroom snuggling the bird when I decided to call the direct TV people to finally get the satellite working up there since its been out of whack for the last month or so. I go through the automated thing and it doesn't fix my problem so I get a customer service guy. I tell her my issue and he tells goes into my account in the meantime Luca is laughing and cooing away at me as I am making faces at him. The guy says to me the following like this.
Him- "You have a baby"
Me-"Yep a 5 month old, we were hoping to snuggle and watch the tube a while"
Him- "My baby is 4 years old"
Me- "Awww, you gonna have any more"
Him- "If it's a boy I am stopping there"
At that point I think typical male but let it go. He goes on to tell me that his daughter is a daddy's girl and he is very proud of her ability to box amongst other things. I am polite as I always am and leave it at that. Then the conversation goes here.
Him- "Is his Father around"
Me- "We used a sperm donor" (the we should have tipped him off)
Him- "Couldn't find the right guy?"
Me- "No, my partner wasn't producing the right fluid."
Silence...
Him-"Oh..."
So to ease the tension I wish him luck on his baby boy making process.
The whole thing was a little longer then this but you get the drift I just thought I would share.The tv is fixed. I am off to cook some salmon for dinner and get out some sweet taters and nanners for the bird. Have a good week folks.
So my little bird is growing up. I decided to write this blog today because I was astonished at a couple different things. 1 he is quickly approaching the 23 lb mark 2 his legs hang out of the longer infant car seat I had for him when they didn't weren't quite there a week ago and 3 I stare all day long at his hospital pic hanging in my living room and I can't believe how different he looks. *sigh* They grow up so fast. This time last year I was 8 or 9 weeks pregnant trying to hold my cookies on a rocking boat headed for the Caribbean able to eat nothing more then frozen yogurt and fruit cups. LMAO
1/8
Last night I tried getting him to sleep on his own but he wasn't having it. He was so tired. Finally at 9 pm (normally he goes to bed at 7:30) I put him in bed beside me and he was breathing softly in my boobs 5 minutes later. I have had a couple people tell me that only children are spoiled and that might be the case but one child or several are always gonna feel as though you favor another more no matter what you do to prevent it. Those of us who have siblings no this for a fact. Life is a competition in the household. I actually had a woman lecture me when I told her Luca would be my only one at the Jiffy Lube. What is wrong with people these days? I am happy with my son. I feel complete with him in my life. I think the number of children you decide to have is an individual choice. This isn't china is your want 10 kids I say go for it. I want 1. I have him and I have never been happier. Anyway...its my uterus I'll designate who lives in it. :-)
1/22
The invisible cord...
Here is what I have come up with over the last couple of months and what I know to be true as a Mother. Just because a Doctor severs an umbilical cord after a baby is born does not mean anything. I have told Toni, Luca has an invisible cord connecting him to me. I wake up every night just before he does. Tonight I woke up before he started rustling around in his sleep to watch him. (I do that sometimes) He sleeps so peaceful like a little boy all tucked in his bed beside ours snoozing away. My Grandmother used to open my bedroom door ever night between 2:15 and 2:30am on her way to the bathroom to check on me. So yes I am up at 3 am in the morning reflecting on how much I love him and how blessed I am that he is ours.
1/26
So for whatever reason I get around to blogging when I do the morning feeding for the bird. I don't know why but after 2 am I start to feel both sentimental and inspirational all at the same time. The week ahead is full of so many changes. And I felt the need to talk about some of them here. Plus for those of you who aren't on facebook you wouldn't have seen the latest Luca video. :-) So tomorrow starts the week, I have my final interview/meeting to determine whether or not I will be making the move to this new job and back to an old way of life that will yet again become a large part of my own. Toni isn't happy being away from us. I don't blame her. In order for us to be together we all have to make sacrifices and I have to give up the idea of spending the first year of my son's life at home with him. It's really painful. I used to tell everyone all the time that I was never alone (while I was pregnant) cause here I was carrying around my little miracle and now I will be giving up a big portion of my life to something that doesn't even compare to him in any way shape or form. I realize however though that I can't be selfish. I wasn't raised that way and I still will have a great deal of time off with my little bird. Until May things will be hectic. I will be struggling to finish my degree ( I AM SOOOOOO READY to be done with school) and Toni will be looking for employment around here. Luca will have us and won't be seeing the inside of a daycare center which was my stipulation. (I WON'T have it any other way. Period.) Friday is our Second Parent Adoption hearing. I am holding out for the judge who allowed the last one so keep your fingers crossed for us folks. I am ready for that chapter to close as well and for things to be as they were intended to be. School is moving along nicely. I really like the Native American History (upper level)class. I had to watch Apocalypto (great movie but the beginning will piss you off) for it which was good but the teacher has been piling on the work like crazy!
Luca update:
He is twisting and turning, still support sitting (though he can hold himself up for long periods), doing 360's all over the place, sleeping in his crib at night (only getting up once), eating stage 2 foods like Chicken and rice dinner (which he LOVED!), still weighing in at 23 lbs, still wearing 12-18 month clothes, still 31" long, working hard on those upper teeth (that I thought had cut but didn't), propeling himself backward in the walker, hopping around like a silly boy in the jumparoo (set to stage 3 now cause he is so long) and has found a new love of sing-a-long DVD's like Sesame Streets "Monster Hits" (I dont know what it is with him and monsters) and the "Lion King Sing-a-Long" Thanks God for the library! lol
Latest books read: The perfect spot
20 hungry piggies
1/30
The second parent adoption is done. WE WON! Thats right folks. The judge we got recently passed it for a couple who was adopting a child they were fostering (a gay couple). Before he refused to even hear the cases so he has come a long way. Zoa, Felicia, Cheryl, Toni, Luca and I went into the courtroom to stand before him in hopes all would go well. The judge came in after making us wait. Toni sweated and worried the entire time. I had the power of positive thinking backing me and put on the charm for the judge who smiled at me a couple times during the hearing as I stated why I thought Toni should be allowed to adopt him. I put it simply. We created him together. He was a planend pregnancy to the enth degree. They bonded. They share a relationship that is equal to that of any Mother and child and he has heard his voice since his ears started developing in the womb. He loves her. Why shouldn't she have the right to be his parent as well? We created him in love together. As I told the cable guy the difference was she didn't produce the right fluid. ( I didn't say that part to the judge). My testimony and Toni's led the judge to believe she was a "moral and just" person and he sign the paper allowing her to become his second parent. So we are a family! Everyone who came cried. YEAH!!!!! See pics in the "Our son" album.
Friday, July 10, 2009
10 month update
Luca 10 month update Current mood: blessed
So the birdie is 10 months old now... new skills include-*crawling forward rather then creeping or belly wamping as I call it *making new games to play with his Mommies*seeking attention *discovering new things*eating breads, fruits and cheese in solid formHe is 35 lbs and in 4t clothes. He is growing up so fast sometimes I catch myself just staring at him wondering where the time has gone. Mom came in the other day and she had to do a double take to make sure it was him cause she had said in less then a month he had changed a ton.*sigh my bird is growing up*
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Admitted-ly
So I got up this morning to give my bird a bottle and decided to blog. Yesterday when I left here I was determined Luca and I spend the morning together and thats what we did. Walking around the zoo in its multiple mazes and keeping my son entertained with all my usual antics I thought a lot about the person I have become and who I used to be- not mentioned how TOTALLY oppositte those two people are. When I got pregnant I spent time eating, sleeping, dreaming, watching, talking, playing, reading, wondering, worrying, thinking, protecting wishing my baby. I was deep in thought all the time. Walking around the zoo it occurred to me I am still deep in thought even though my little bird is here. I am never alone in my thoughts and never want to be. Thats the difference. Before I had thoughts about relationships, friendships, people drama and other things that make a before family life mind work and now folks I could give a shit. This is my way of thinking and most of you who have kids may agree and some may not... good friends and good partners stick by and fight for you while others walk way and to be honest thats ok. I used to get bitter when I thought my family and what they became and ow seperate everyone is and now I see how it happened and why. And thats ok too. If you ask Toni about our conversations she will tell you 90% of every conversation revolves around Luca (what he ate, what he's doin, what he did today). Admitted-ly I am NOT the same person I was before. Some things lack- sex drive, time, conversation, communication and so on. Some people might call this a loss of control and seek their youth or try to piece their life back together the way they knew it I call it bliss and my reason for being. I am different. So if we haven't talked in a while don't take offense, those of you who don't have kids will understand when you do and those of you who do and still don't understand well then something is just lacking there...I am content to eat, sleep, dream, watch, talk, play, read, wonder, worry, think, and protect my baby no matter who big he gets.
9 month update
So as busy as I have been I have not forgotten my birdies 9 month update. There is much to report. He has-8 teeth working on 2 more currentlysits on his own with no issues and has great balance rolls all overcrawls backward everywhere and anywhere (though he has gone forward a few times he still prefers reverse lol) walks and navigates places in his walker as well as knew things to get intosings with music (la la la, ba ba ba, ma ma ma, maaaaaaaaaaaaaa, na na na ha ha and so on)is eating real food like fruits and breads on his own and feeding himself as long as the texture is to his liking lolis eating pureed mama made luca foods like apples with chicken breast, aspargus, fresh squash, peas and so on...is 33 lbs and 34 inches long though we havent got a height on him in awhilehas traveled on his first mini vacationmarveled at the ocean (if only we all could appreciate its greatness as he did)taste new and exciting things like pancake and chip beef gravy LOLbeen swimming in a pool with the mommiesput his tiny pigs in the sand and felt the surfHe is getting so big... I love him so much and he has just become my whole life. I talk about him constantly at work and its the point everyone who sees me asks "How's Luca?" LOL So for all you folks who want to know.. Luca is great. He is lighting my life and making me feel more blessed every single day.Tina
Dear Luca (part 3)
As Mama laid beside you in bed tonight she looked down at your tiny features and your little fist closed around my thumb and smiled. In every hour I think of your more than I think of anything else. And when I wake up in the morning I can't wait to see what the day will bring for us. I think of your movements inside my belly, your first day in the world, your first real smile, your sweet little laugh and the way you peek at me when you don't think I am paying attention (but always look at you from the corner of my eyes). I can't believe how blessed I am and how you have shaped my life into something so miraculous! Your Mama is so proud to call u her son and so grateful for that one amazing egg. I would have never guessed that such a blessing would be bestowed on me but give much thanks to the one that made it happen. I love you baby bird. Your Mama forever and all eternity.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A Like Mind...
So I have been very productive this morning. I have cleaned the house, played with my bird and wrote one of the three papers I have due the end of the week. I was going through my email and my "distant" cousin Tammy posted a Native Feast email for the group. I was excited to see it cause I believe it or not am a philosophical mind. It's how I think most the time and these things always give you more to think about. This one in particular got me to thinking about the future and what has happened so far. I feel so blessed in the fact that I got pregnant, carried and nourished and brought into this world a son. He amazes me every single day and so most of my future plans revolve around him and showing him everything life has to offer. Even though there is an ass lot of snow on the ground I can't wait to Spring when he and I get can outside, get my mini garden planted and enjoy the smells and warmth that comes with spring. So here is the email for the rest of you to think about...March 3 - Daily FeastSome mysteries have never been explained;how a firefly lights up its tail, how a bumblebee flies, and how ahummingbird can hover and dart. Even deeper mysteries surround uspersonally. How did we get to this place to do this thing? We knowlittle more about ourselves than we do about the firefly and bumblebee.To think and ponder and question is a part of our nature - but if wewere to put to work what we already know we would be financial geniusesand spiritual giants. No mystery stands out here, but think what wecould do were we to work like the ant - and with no overseer.~ He did not depend altogether on his eyes for information. ~SAID ABOUT PONTIAC - OTTAWA, 1700's"A Cherokee Feast of Days, Volume II" by Joyce Sequichie HiflerTHINK on THESE THINGSBy Joyce SequichieHiflerThesetting of the sun on an old year is a kind of summing up time. Whathave you accomplished? What were your goals? Will they be higher in thenew year?Whatever your personal plans and whatever the reasonsback of them, there are common everyday kinds of people that should bekept in view. They have positive outlooks, and are best recognized whensincerely listening to a child's words.You will see them whenthey steady the elderly, you will know them by their kindness'. Youwill not often hear their prayers as they are for their God. But youwill know they are to be depended upon and that they will not tire ofthese things, for it is their natural role.Think about thesepeople when you set your plans. They are good to remember. Your successor failure depends upon these people being you.Ps. I posted a new video of Luca learned how to rock in his chair on my profile.
Nuts or instinct?
So yesterday we were sitting at Gabe's game. For whatever reason we picked the worst spot on the bleachers for flying balls. When we got there it was early and the older better teams were playing. A flying soccor ball game out of the area and came hurling towards my son. Well it went over his head (which I didnt see at the time) and into the stroller. Needless to say its a nerf ball and it hit Luca in the legs. He didn't cry or anything in fact he was like "Whoa there a ball on me lets play" however I wasn't havin it. The second I saw where it had landed I stood up and yelled "Hey... HEY!!!!!" Now folks normally in most circumstances I will say something sarcastic or hurtful if I am intent on defending myself. Its my way. Words hurt worse then something physical and I use them well but when it comes to my kid- pee wee soccor team or no someone is gonna get an ass whoopin! I found myself looking for the most guilty kid as every single one of them heard my one vocal cord working self! I WAS LIVID! Toni was trying to calm me down and her sister Amanda was sayin they didn't mean to do it. All I saw was RED. Needless to say Toni's dad was scared I was gonna kick the crap outta some kid. I did eventually sit down but it took some time and a lot of coaxing. When I say I am fiercly protective over my son that should not be taken likely folks... Had he been crying I would have crossed into the arena area. He is to young to defend hisself and that makes it worse though I am sure I wont change much when he is a teenager. Anyhow... thats it for now. Have a good Sunday.
This weeks update...
So lots of things have happened this week. Most of them were good and others suck! Since most prefer bad before good, reading my fathers status yesterday I learned that my Grandfather's lung cancer had returned. I feel like shit! Truly a disease like this couldn't happen to a nicer person and it doesn't seem fair. I haven't been the ideal Grandchild for a long time. I could say that I make more of an effort now because my Grandmother pulled her head out of her ass where my sexual preference was concerned but that would just be an excuse. When I talked to him on the phone yesterday he made light of everything as he always does when I told him how I found out and said something like "to an old fashion fella like me software is the same as underwear" LOL He asked about Luca and how things were going and I asked him how Mammaw was holding up as I dont know what she will do without him. I dont think she has ever been without a man in her life and while she is a tough bird she depended a lot on him to just exist and be. They compliment eachother so well. I worked in hospice for a while and have dealt with death almost everyday in that situation but its always different when its your own family. I have seen what lung cancer looks like in the end and the only thing that gives me piece of mind is knowing it isnt as bad as something the others. *sigh* I am hoping his oncologist can pull another miracle out his hat. As for the good news all is done with my testing and such for work. I start orientation on the 9th. Luca and I will be stopping in to see the woman who delivered him on Friday when I go in to get a PPD read and sign one last form. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Luca Upate: He is belly sleeping now with his cute little behind in the air! LOL He has cut one top tooth and the other is working its way through. He is doing this cute little thing now when I come in the door after being out a while where he will whine for me to get him when I say hello to him. He is still very much into Yo Gabba Gabba but has watched other shows as well (mostly in the morning when he is open to change LOL) Were working on sitting up. Its harder for him since he is so big. Its difficult for him to keep things where there supposed to be. He sits great though I just dont trust that he wont topple over. We take time each day to work on his milestones. He is still very fascinated with his toes which makes the sitting up milestone a little hard to accomplish LOL. Ps. The other day I had a conversation with a nice lady in the walmart baby isle. I had to ask how old her child was. This little boy was a little longer then luca (not by much) and weighed a little more. In fact he was 9 months old and weighed in at 30 lbs. So suddenly I am not worried about his size anymore. When I got a look at her husband (who looked like linebacker LOL) I was relieved. Have a great weeks folks...
The little things in Life...
Bear with me as I upate this blog to my blog on myspace. :-)
Ok last night I had wild dreams. The first involved getting this little "Downs" guy read for a holiday concert in the middle of a hurricane and somehow ending up in a isle way of a barn on a double bed while some half women half beasts tried to get in. Luca woke me up from that dream as he is cutting his 2nd top tooth. I go back to sleep only to have another crazy dream involving the same concert and assigned seating and a shit load of drama. Again Luca woke me up from that dream as well. The last dream was normal for me and again Luca woke me up. :-) Today I decided to replenish my lost sleep and gave him a little motrin and headed upstairs for a little nap in our bed. I snuggled him in beside me and mid way through I opened my eyes to see him tugging on my wifebeater trying to get closer. I smiled at him and brought him in closer. We went back to sleep for another hour and I feel so MUCH better. Waking up beside your baby is one of lifes simple pleasures and ultimate joys. I preceded to thank him for waking me up last night and for taking the nap with me.
Ok last night I had wild dreams. The first involved getting this little "Downs" guy read for a holiday concert in the middle of a hurricane and somehow ending up in a isle way of a barn on a double bed while some half women half beasts tried to get in. Luca woke me up from that dream as he is cutting his 2nd top tooth. I go back to sleep only to have another crazy dream involving the same concert and assigned seating and a shit load of drama. Again Luca woke me up from that dream as well. The last dream was normal for me and again Luca woke me up. :-) Today I decided to replenish my lost sleep and gave him a little motrin and headed upstairs for a little nap in our bed. I snuggled him in beside me and mid way through I opened my eyes to see him tugging on my wifebeater trying to get closer. I smiled at him and brought him in closer. We went back to sleep for another hour and I feel so MUCH better. Waking up beside your baby is one of lifes simple pleasures and ultimate joys. I preceded to thank him for waking me up last night and for taking the nap with me.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Todays the day
Today starts my fruit fast. At 12 o'clock I wont be consuming anything but fruit, water and green tea for 3 days. I did this once before and did well. Dreaming is lucid and the body is detoxed which is something I believe everyone should experience. I wanted to start Friday then remembered that we had a playdate that fell through anyway. So it starts today. I am looking forward to it.
I will blog as I go on as a means of keeping track of things and recording dreams and meditations. So wish me luck!
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We have foundly found another movie that Luca will watch. We borrowed the Lion King from Toni's sister and Luca is watching it as we speak. We have made it through the first hour without to many complaints. So it may turn out to be a gabba gabba free day LOL
I will blog as I go on as a means of keeping track of things and recording dreams and meditations. So wish me luck!
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We have foundly found another movie that Luca will watch. We borrowed the Lion King from Toni's sister and Luca is watching it as we speak. We have made it through the first hour without to many complaints. So it may turn out to be a gabba gabba free day LOL
Stroking my ego...
So I have been told by a few people that I write good. Toni is my number 1 fan when it comes to the erotica I have written her but I have been busted on a few times before and so it kinda gets you down. For whatever reason every single history class I have taken in college I have gotten high marks (mostly A's) and done very well in. I have a interest in history in my adult years that I didn't have in highschool. This semester I am taking a Native American History class and these are some of the things the teacher has written copied and pasted right from the grade book page on comments.
Tina, Insightful comments. There are indeed parallels between our western traditions and those of various Native cultures. My favorite is the Kiowa who emerged from a giant hollow log following a great flood. Sound similar to anything you may have heard before? :)
Hi Tina, It is a powerful film. Mel Gibson has the abilit to hit a nerve, both positively and negatively depending on your viewpoint. While the claim is that it is the Mayan being depicted it was entirely Aztec. One Spanish priest back in 1519, traveling with Cortez reported witnessing 800 human sacrifices at the Great Temple in Tenochtitlan. Blood stains on Aztec pyramids lasted decades before they finally faded. Their cruelty to their neighbors allowed them to be conqered by a very small force of Spanish... Less than 1000 vs. 600,000 Aztecs... As the Arab proverb reads..."The enemy of my enemy is my friend..." Sadly for the Meso-American Tribes, they didn't find any friends they just replaced the Aztec tryanny with that of the Spanish. Good insight into the plight of the mother and child. As a man I was struck by his friend being killed next to him but missed the mother-child tragedy. Very good analysis.
Hi Tina, I always enjoy the unique way you look at history. You write well and express your opinions in a very convincing manner. Your reference to "appealing to the softer side..." made me think. As independent, free thinkers it must have been a terrible blow to these proud people to have to yield everything they were to the American government. I'm not sure I would be ready to lay it all aside if I were in their place but then again, you have to consider the children and the welfare of the entire tribe. My son is 22 and quite the warrior at heart. He and I have discussions on historical topics like this often. He is at a stage I can remember well... ( I call it 10-feet tall and bulletproof) While I could concede to similar demands in defense of my family now...I don't think my son would, I'm sure his attitude was prevalent in the young men of the tribe. It was a sad and trying time for these people. Thanks.
Its nice to here these things. To know I put in an effort and to have the effort rewarded in A+ assignments and comments to my work. You can have your ego stroked in so many ways sometimes its nice to here plain words...
I have been uploading videos and (cell phone) mobile pics to facebook so feel free to add me there to see those additional Luca pics and videos.
Tina, Insightful comments. There are indeed parallels between our western traditions and those of various Native cultures. My favorite is the Kiowa who emerged from a giant hollow log following a great flood. Sound similar to anything you may have heard before? :)
Hi Tina, It is a powerful film. Mel Gibson has the abilit to hit a nerve, both positively and negatively depending on your viewpoint. While the claim is that it is the Mayan being depicted it was entirely Aztec. One Spanish priest back in 1519, traveling with Cortez reported witnessing 800 human sacrifices at the Great Temple in Tenochtitlan. Blood stains on Aztec pyramids lasted decades before they finally faded. Their cruelty to their neighbors allowed them to be conqered by a very small force of Spanish... Less than 1000 vs. 600,000 Aztecs... As the Arab proverb reads..."The enemy of my enemy is my friend..." Sadly for the Meso-American Tribes, they didn't find any friends they just replaced the Aztec tryanny with that of the Spanish. Good insight into the plight of the mother and child. As a man I was struck by his friend being killed next to him but missed the mother-child tragedy. Very good analysis.
Hi Tina, I always enjoy the unique way you look at history. You write well and express your opinions in a very convincing manner. Your reference to "appealing to the softer side..." made me think. As independent, free thinkers it must have been a terrible blow to these proud people to have to yield everything they were to the American government. I'm not sure I would be ready to lay it all aside if I were in their place but then again, you have to consider the children and the welfare of the entire tribe. My son is 22 and quite the warrior at heart. He and I have discussions on historical topics like this often. He is at a stage I can remember well... ( I call it 10-feet tall and bulletproof) While I could concede to similar demands in defense of my family now...I don't think my son would, I'm sure his attitude was prevalent in the young men of the tribe. It was a sad and trying time for these people. Thanks.
Its nice to here these things. To know I put in an effort and to have the effort rewarded in A+ assignments and comments to my work. You can have your ego stroked in so many ways sometimes its nice to here plain words...
I have been uploading videos and (cell phone) mobile pics to facebook so feel free to add me there to see those additional Luca pics and videos.
The P in the bed
Ok so last night I was EXHAUSTED! I went up to bed with a half a headache laid there talking to Toni and feel asleep mid conversation. I couldn't help it. Luca is cutting teeth and it is hard on us all. LOL He wakes up about every three hours or so fussing from his spot 3 feet from my head in his own bed and my internal alarm goes off as soon as I hear him. "Allright bird I say, Mama's here" which always quiets him down... stumbling to his bed, I pop in the binky and its off to make a bottle I go...I come back get him up and make the bottle. Well the second time I went through this ritual last night I was half asleep I am always very careful where he is concerned by didn't really think about the possiblility that he could't be on the bed. He never has before though yesterday I was looking at his rear end while changing a nu. 2 diaper cause he decided to role over mid swipe of the tush. LOL So I am focusing on trying to get the diaper in middle of his behind he over his head and on to our bed goes the pee. Well folks I finish changing the diaper to look above his head and see a wet spot. I know I didnt pee the bed and conclude he did right in the middle of everything! Toni and I both woke up cause there is nothing like pee in the bed! lol I had to laugh about it cause it was hilarious. He has taken to zerberting my arm as well that cracks me up. I will have to get that one on video. Needless to say the pee has been scrubbed with fabric cleaner this am and febreezed. Just thought I would share that one with everyone...
Moral of the story: Beward the P! lol You never know where it will land!
Tina time results...
So today went well. I went upstairs and did the yoga half heartedly. I guess I just want to stretch a little go through some old things and unwind and think. Sometimes I think we just need to sit and be. When I was done I sat down on the floor and drug out a tin I keep herbs (NO not the kind you smoke people!! Medicinal ones mostly and ran across the chaste berry I used when trying to get pregnant (natures clomid it helps to regulate a woman) mugwort (helps with cramps) sage (to burn and purify) and so on. The smell of that tin brings back a lot of memories and if I could bottle it up and sell it people would buy it for potpori. Its a good smell, earthy and rich. I pulled out an old tarot deck (Shapeshifter Tarot) I have had for quite a few years and decided to give her a shot. I really centered myself before asking the deck the question "What can I expect this year?" and the answers I got were a really good and will require a lot of thought. The cards the showed up were:
Sourceress
Sourcerer
Skills
The Double
Lovers
Partnership
The Mother
Happiness
Journey
Transcendance
Desire
Success
Afterwards I laid down to meditate and immediatly in my head entered Tremor a thoroughbred I used to take care of on the farm. I loved this damn horse. He was my light when there was none during a shitty time in my life. He passed away on Christmas Eve a few years ago when my ol boss had to put him down. I was DEVASTATED! His body had to lay on the farm property until the 1-800 dead cow people could come get him. (yes thats who his remains were sent to I never got over that. I always thought he should have been buried on the property. When you can love an animal he after he knocks your ass in his rotten peanut butter smelling horse shit you know thats special LOL. Anyway... he touched my heart. I took the last walk with him down the driveway and practically carried his weight. I will never forget it. Well I rode him in this meditation and it was fabulous!
Sourceress
Sourcerer
Skills
The Double
Lovers
Partnership
The Mother
Happiness
Journey
Transcendance
Desire
Success
Afterwards I laid down to meditate and immediatly in my head entered Tremor a thoroughbred I used to take care of on the farm. I loved this damn horse. He was my light when there was none during a shitty time in my life. He passed away on Christmas Eve a few years ago when my ol boss had to put him down. I was DEVASTATED! His body had to lay on the farm property until the 1-800 dead cow people could come get him. (yes thats who his remains were sent to I never got over that. I always thought he should have been buried on the property. When you can love an animal he after he knocks your ass in his rotten peanut butter smelling horse shit you know thats special LOL. Anyway... he touched my heart. I took the last walk with him down the driveway and practically carried his weight. I will never forget it. Well I rode him in this meditation and it was fabulous!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Tina time...
So today I am taking 2 hours out for me and whatever I want to do. I was laying in bed last night contemplating getting out of bed just to come down here and turn on my yoga tape. I just wanta burn some sage play some music and stretch and relax and just let go of the stress of the last couple months and then meditate. Afterwards me and the birdie are gonna splash in the tub. I am gonna email my friend Wayne about a spring time sweat. I feel like I could use one. I wish we had a sauna I would be in that sucker all the time. If Toni and I ever come into money I am gonna treat myself to one. :-) Yoga is such a stress reducer its almost as good as sex when your through and the body thanks you for it. So thats the plan for today... Enjoy your sunday folks.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Vacations, Me and the Luca bird...
So Toni and I have locked in a place in the Green Mountains (I figured we have been to the poconos, the smokies, the blue ridge and the applalations why not the Green :-) Its a cute little house on a lake about 8 hours north of here. Were going on labor day with Luca. We wanted to do something inexpensive since money is tight and we will have a one year old running all over the place. LOL I am excited. We will prolly do Ocean city this summer as usual but we need a just us kinda deal. The woman I was being paid to care for got pissed that I couldn't be there to care for her all the time (she liked the way I was able to lift and move her) and fired the company complaining money issues. I have to laugh cause I don't know how she will manage. I am thinking by Sunday she will be callin them back reconsidering when there is no one there to move her 500 times throughout the night. She has a lot of mental health issues that require more care then I have the degree to give her (along with a few perscriptions) so I have no idea what will come out of that one. I am flattered by her devotion to me however WOW! The woman at the agency said she told them they needed more people like me. HAH! Anyhow.. here is a video we took of Luca while waiting in the Doc's office. Enjoy and have a great weekend!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Luca's 6 month update, good things and dieting
So again I am up. Its after 2 am. For some reason I always feel the need to blog now. I don't know if its cause Yo Gabba Gabba isn't going on feet from the pc or because my best thoughts ands insights come around this time or if its simply because I am up with a little bird at that time and just can't get back to sleep (this is prolly it). This nights 2 am trip down here was for tylenol a drink and to chek email since Toni and I went up to our room a little early last night to wash up Luca and watch Survivor.
Good things have happened for us recently and things are looking up. I start my full time job on the 23rd of this month. On the meantime I am workin for a woman in home through my current agency thats a bit hard to handle but I am managing and getting paid a good bit for it so I can't really complain. Toni starts her new job on Tuesday and wil be doing a bunch of training in prep for it which will mean day shift hours which is fine for us. We haev daycare figured out. The 1 hour in between her shift and mine will be taking on her Mom and Dad which is on our way to the jobs. Luca will be sleeping so they don't have to do anything for him. Since I will have an every other weekend off schedule and she will too most likely it will only be for a couple (2-3) days a week. :-)
Luca is growing like a weed. He is 6 months old offically. For this months update he:
Can sit on his own (sort a but throws himself back a lot). Is rolling over constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY lol its difficult to change a diaper)
Learning to hold his own bottle (were working on it). LOVES yo gabba gabba (and will actually get mad when DJ Lane says "Yo its almost time to go...")Likes music alot. Tinkers with everything which makes me think he will have the donors mechanical abilities. Is picky about his food and is making attempts at holding his own utensils. Is having seperation anxiety and won't sleep through the night in his room but has no problem in ours LOL. Goes forward and sideways in his walker though were not sure he knows what he is doing. Trying to cross his legs. Splashing in the tub. Tommorow we find out how much he weighs for sure ( I know its at least 26lbs) and 31" long but its could be more.
Its been 5 days now since I have gone without chocolate or any sweets for that matter. I am dieting hardcore. No candy bars, no icecream, no nothing! I feel like a smoker giving up cigarettes or a diabetic going without sugar. If I eat chocolate in any form (even low calorie cereal) it makes me want to real deal and I refuse to do it. So its healthy food for me! To subsitute the stuff I cant have I have been stuff I like (like 97% fat free VA baked ham and cheese sadwiches on dark german wheat bread with ketchup and baked lays LOL) Anyhow... I need to go to bed. I will post Luca's weight and height after his appointment tommorow. Nite folks.
Good things have happened for us recently and things are looking up. I start my full time job on the 23rd of this month. On the meantime I am workin for a woman in home through my current agency thats a bit hard to handle but I am managing and getting paid a good bit for it so I can't really complain. Toni starts her new job on Tuesday and wil be doing a bunch of training in prep for it which will mean day shift hours which is fine for us. We haev daycare figured out. The 1 hour in between her shift and mine will be taking on her Mom and Dad which is on our way to the jobs. Luca will be sleeping so they don't have to do anything for him. Since I will have an every other weekend off schedule and she will too most likely it will only be for a couple (2-3) days a week. :-)
Luca is growing like a weed. He is 6 months old offically. For this months update he:
Can sit on his own (sort a but throws himself back a lot). Is rolling over constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY lol its difficult to change a diaper)
Learning to hold his own bottle (were working on it). LOVES yo gabba gabba (and will actually get mad when DJ Lane says "Yo its almost time to go...")Likes music alot. Tinkers with everything which makes me think he will have the donors mechanical abilities. Is picky about his food and is making attempts at holding his own utensils. Is having seperation anxiety and won't sleep through the night in his room but has no problem in ours LOL. Goes forward and sideways in his walker though were not sure he knows what he is doing. Trying to cross his legs. Splashing in the tub. Tommorow we find out how much he weighs for sure ( I know its at least 26lbs) and 31" long but its could be more.
Its been 5 days now since I have gone without chocolate or any sweets for that matter. I am dieting hardcore. No candy bars, no icecream, no nothing! I feel like a smoker giving up cigarettes or a diabetic going without sugar. If I eat chocolate in any form (even low calorie cereal) it makes me want to real deal and I refuse to do it. So its healthy food for me! To subsitute the stuff I cant have I have been stuff I like (like 97% fat free VA baked ham and cheese sadwiches on dark german wheat bread with ketchup and baked lays LOL) Anyhow... I need to go to bed. I will post Luca's weight and height after his appointment tommorow. Nite folks.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Strange meditations
So the anniversry dinner was a success. Luca had a night with the Grandparents who were happy to have him and we had a night to ourselves. The food was good, the conversation was great and the sex was hot! (Sorry TMI) After all was said and done and before we went to bed I decided to pull out my power animal meditation book that I use to use every once in a while and do one before bed since I knew I could allow my mind to completely relax without listening to every little sound coming from our monitor which is ingrained in my head. I looked around through the different ones and finally decided on Hippo which is entitled "Rebirth". Toni read it to me and I got comfortable the following is what I saw.
I was in a huge aquarmarine tank with a large female hippo. Telepathically we were talking about rebirth and motherhood and what it all meant. I could smell the sweet smell of the lotuses that floated around in the water with us. I felt a strange weight below and between my legs and looked down to see an umbilical cord like vine connecting me to a child. When I pulled the baby out of the water and looked at it I could see clearly it was a little girl. That pulled me out of the hole thing....
Now before you all start going where I know you want to go let me explain to you that I am NOT having anymore children. We have talked before in my blogs about my uterus and my say on who lives in it. Before having Luca I went through a Native American Sweat and Journey to meet my child and saw I would be having a boy in fact I saw Luca in about 3 or 4 more years having dressed himself coming down the stairs to brag at his accomplishments. Now back to my argument. 1. With havin my son I am working to give him all the things I only dreamed of when I was a kid. 2. Since I am not a fan of day care its difficult to get schedules the first 5 years to meet a childs needs. 3. That while Luca was supposed to be a natural water birth he was a C baby and I am a high risk pregnancy so my dreams of vaginal births and birthing tanks are over. 5. I nearly died having him that says it all! So dont go getting excited here people. I know Toni is never gonna get in a birthing tank if she changes her mind about having a child though I am just about positive it would be a girl so someone else will have to live out that one for me. The meditation was powerful though so I decided to look on its other meanings and here is what I found... ps. We rushed to pick up our little bird in the morning cause we missed him like CRAZY and like 2 people who just didnt know how function without him!
Hippo: symbol of birth, motherhood, protection of young
The hippopotamus is associated with birth, motherhood and the protection of young. The Hippopotamus, whose name means 'River Horse', protects the woman of the house, especially the woman of childbearing age.
The Hippo lives both underwater and on land. It is both practical and stable and tends to follow set patterns. The hippo teaches us to follow a path that is determined to be successful.
The hippo represents routine paths and an intuition for truth that lead to our goals in life.
While underwater, the Hippopotamus is able to see, hear and breathe. This can teach us a higher level of perception, and so increase intuition for the heart and truth of situations in life.
HIPPOPOTAMUS
Power
Hippopotamus lives in Water, the ancient realm of birth, power, creation, imagination, and healing. Hippopotamus brings an awakening of our higher sensibilities. It enables lucid dreaming and spirit contact. Hippopotamus is a link to the spiritual, artistic and healing realms of water. It teaches you how to be strong in all of them. Learning to control powerful creative energies is the lesson that Hippopotamus gives you.
TAURET (taweret, ipet, opet)
Taweret was the ancient Egyptian goddess of maternity and childbirth, protector of women and children. Like Bes, she was both a fierce demonic fighter as well as a popular deity who guarded the mother and her newborn child.
She was depicted as a combination of a crocodile, a pregnant hippopotamus standing on her hind legs with large breasts and a lion. Unlike the composite demoness Ammut, her head and body were that of the hippo, her paws were that of the lion, and her back was the back of a crocodile. All of these animals were man killers, and as such she was a demoness.
All three animals were regarded as fierce creatures who would kill to protect their young.
It was in her role of a protector that she was seen as a goddess. As the mother hippo is protective of her young, Taweret was believed to be protective of Egyptian children. She was often shown holding the sa hieroglyph of protection or the ankh hieroglyph of life. She was thought to assist women in labour and scare off demons that might harm the mother or child.
Because hippos are denizens of the fertile Nile mud, Egyptians also saw them as symbols of rebirth and rejuvenation. The birth-related aspect of the hippo’s powers also appears in the complicated shape of the goddess Taweret, who protects women in childbirth.
(taken directly from http://www.crystalinks.com/taweret.html)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Here is some info I found regarding Hippo as totem:
The Hippopotamus
The Hippopotamus is an amazing animal that lives both underwater and above ground. It combines the elements of earth and water and teaches us how to integrate the attributes of both into our daily life.
Water is associated with intuitive knowing and earth is associated with practicality and stability. The hippopotamus asks those with this totem to act upon their intuition without analyzing it while maintaining a practical grounded life style.
Hippopotamus are amphibious and have special adaptations for life in the water. It can safely stay underwater, able to breath, hear, and see the world above without having to expose its body. When this medicine if fully developed those with this totem have an innate ability to know what lies beneath the surface of any situation. They speak and see truth and demand that others respect that truth
Hippo’s need water deep enough to cover them because there skin is delicate and thin and vulnerable to overheating. Those with this medicine are susceptible to sunstroke and sun related problems including dehydration so care should be taken when outdoors.
Although the Hippopotamus is extremely agile and flexible in its movements it has a tendency to develop set patterns. When they leave the water at dusk, they prefer to follow the same path creating a rut in the ground several feet deep. The hippopotamus teaches us to find a path that works for us and to stay on it to reach our true destination.
I was in a huge aquarmarine tank with a large female hippo. Telepathically we were talking about rebirth and motherhood and what it all meant. I could smell the sweet smell of the lotuses that floated around in the water with us. I felt a strange weight below and between my legs and looked down to see an umbilical cord like vine connecting me to a child. When I pulled the baby out of the water and looked at it I could see clearly it was a little girl. That pulled me out of the hole thing....
Now before you all start going where I know you want to go let me explain to you that I am NOT having anymore children. We have talked before in my blogs about my uterus and my say on who lives in it. Before having Luca I went through a Native American Sweat and Journey to meet my child and saw I would be having a boy in fact I saw Luca in about 3 or 4 more years having dressed himself coming down the stairs to brag at his accomplishments. Now back to my argument. 1. With havin my son I am working to give him all the things I only dreamed of when I was a kid. 2. Since I am not a fan of day care its difficult to get schedules the first 5 years to meet a childs needs. 3. That while Luca was supposed to be a natural water birth he was a C baby and I am a high risk pregnancy so my dreams of vaginal births and birthing tanks are over. 5. I nearly died having him that says it all! So dont go getting excited here people. I know Toni is never gonna get in a birthing tank if she changes her mind about having a child though I am just about positive it would be a girl so someone else will have to live out that one for me. The meditation was powerful though so I decided to look on its other meanings and here is what I found... ps. We rushed to pick up our little bird in the morning cause we missed him like CRAZY and like 2 people who just didnt know how function without him!
Hippo: symbol of birth, motherhood, protection of young
The hippopotamus is associated with birth, motherhood and the protection of young. The Hippopotamus, whose name means 'River Horse', protects the woman of the house, especially the woman of childbearing age.
The Hippo lives both underwater and on land. It is both practical and stable and tends to follow set patterns. The hippo teaches us to follow a path that is determined to be successful.
The hippo represents routine paths and an intuition for truth that lead to our goals in life.
While underwater, the Hippopotamus is able to see, hear and breathe. This can teach us a higher level of perception, and so increase intuition for the heart and truth of situations in life.
HIPPOPOTAMUS
Power
Hippopotamus lives in Water, the ancient realm of birth, power, creation, imagination, and healing. Hippopotamus brings an awakening of our higher sensibilities. It enables lucid dreaming and spirit contact. Hippopotamus is a link to the spiritual, artistic and healing realms of water. It teaches you how to be strong in all of them. Learning to control powerful creative energies is the lesson that Hippopotamus gives you.
TAURET (taweret, ipet, opet)
Taweret was the ancient Egyptian goddess of maternity and childbirth, protector of women and children. Like Bes, she was both a fierce demonic fighter as well as a popular deity who guarded the mother and her newborn child.
She was depicted as a combination of a crocodile, a pregnant hippopotamus standing on her hind legs with large breasts and a lion. Unlike the composite demoness Ammut, her head and body were that of the hippo, her paws were that of the lion, and her back was the back of a crocodile. All of these animals were man killers, and as such she was a demoness.
All three animals were regarded as fierce creatures who would kill to protect their young.
It was in her role of a protector that she was seen as a goddess. As the mother hippo is protective of her young, Taweret was believed to be protective of Egyptian children. She was often shown holding the sa hieroglyph of protection or the ankh hieroglyph of life. She was thought to assist women in labour and scare off demons that might harm the mother or child.
Because hippos are denizens of the fertile Nile mud, Egyptians also saw them as symbols of rebirth and rejuvenation. The birth-related aspect of the hippo’s powers also appears in the complicated shape of the goddess Taweret, who protects women in childbirth.
(taken directly from http://www.crystalinks.com/taweret.html)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Here is some info I found regarding Hippo as totem:
The Hippopotamus
The Hippopotamus is an amazing animal that lives both underwater and above ground. It combines the elements of earth and water and teaches us how to integrate the attributes of both into our daily life.
Water is associated with intuitive knowing and earth is associated with practicality and stability. The hippopotamus asks those with this totem to act upon their intuition without analyzing it while maintaining a practical grounded life style.
Hippopotamus are amphibious and have special adaptations for life in the water. It can safely stay underwater, able to breath, hear, and see the world above without having to expose its body. When this medicine if fully developed those with this totem have an innate ability to know what lies beneath the surface of any situation. They speak and see truth and demand that others respect that truth
Hippo’s need water deep enough to cover them because there skin is delicate and thin and vulnerable to overheating. Those with this medicine are susceptible to sunstroke and sun related problems including dehydration so care should be taken when outdoors.
Although the Hippopotamus is extremely agile and flexible in its movements it has a tendency to develop set patterns. When they leave the water at dusk, they prefer to follow the same path creating a rut in the ground several feet deep. The hippopotamus teaches us to find a path that works for us and to stay on it to reach our true destination.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Update
Some things to report. I was offered the position for House Manager but as many of you know I turned it down in favor of an assistant house manager position with better hours for which I could be around for my bird. Recently Hospice has got word that I was looking for employment and would like me back as well. I decided to interview with them tomorrow and haven't decided whether or not I will take the position which is an evening shift. The work is easier then that of a nursing home and you get to take time with each patient but when multiple people are in the active stages of passing away it can get hectic. Its hard to watch people pass away but while I was there before it helped me deal with my own grief dealing with my Grandmother. If I would have seen then what I have seen since I wouldn't have lived years bitter and selfish as I did. So I don't know. I will post more on that tomorrow. So at least I am a wanted commodity now it just about making the right choice for me and my family. Part of me wants the SRA (Senior Residentual Assistant) cause its a close nit family relationship with 4 guys who are not to far above the level of a child. It taking care of there needs and seeing there appreciation in it all. On the other hand the benefits are great at my old job and the staff there appreciates me as well as the families I have come in contact with. What to do? Stay tuned tommorow for the final word...
Christmas post...
So I am catching blogger up to some of my myspace post. I am not gonna put them all on here but I will put a few of the important ones. Here is the Christmas and New Years posts.
12/23/08
So my little bird is giving the Grandparents a hard way to go. LOL I was told today that he cries much of the time I am gone from him won't eat and can'tbe comforted. What does that say? I have a strong connection with my baby. We spend 99% of our time together (last night I even put him in the bed when he couldn't get comfortable). He wants what he wants and at 4 months old is VERY capable of letting EVERYONE know or make their life a living hell in the process. Sooner or later he will grow out of it but as our pediatrician told me in the beginning at this age there is no such thing as spoiling your baby.
Mama is in the process of making his mash potatoes ahead of time for Christmas Eve dinner. He has been eating so well. I don't know whether or not I am to blame though for his lack of enthusiasm in the veggie dept. I ate a lot of potato products and fruit when I was pregnant. Its the only thing that tasted right to me.
Toni will be home some time tommorow but were not sure what time. We celebrate Christmas Eve at her parents house. This year were having prime rib. YUM! I am cooking a VERY large Ham dinner for my family Christmas Day which will consist of real cheesy mashed potatoes and green bean casserole which I can never get enough of on the holidays. I have a recipe for an awesome ham glaze I wanta try.
Happy Holidays to your all! And see you in the New Year!
12/26/08
So Christmas is over. (see pics) This year was HECTIC but enjoyable. Toni's mom made this hige elaborate dinner that took 2 hours to get through. We had broccoli cheese soup, prong salad, fruit, prime rib, potatoes and green bean alomondine. Before dinner we opened presents which didnt take so long. Luca got some clothes and toys to which he seemed to like a lot. He was enthusiastic about ripping paper which was funny to watch. Afterwards we played Disney Trivia and I rocked! LOLMy family came over for Christmas dinner and we had the pitter patter clomp through the house as my niece ran ALL OVER THE HOUSE after the dog. LMAO. My Mother of course ran after her while loading her up with sugar which did not help the situation. Dinner was good. My Ham was a hit and the presents were as well. :-) Thanks for the digital frame Fe! I promise to put it to good use. What an awesome present.
The Tree came down today along with the decorations. (Remember folks I decorate the 3rd of Nov. LOL) Back to baby toys and stuff all over the living room.
Toni has is running her second load as I speak and doing well. :-) I am very proud of her. Today she goes from Jessup to New York. Luca has rolled over the first time today. I was very excited to see him on his belly with his arms holding up his upper half when I came back in from the kitchen. More teeth are coming no signs of buds yet though. He has 2 bottom ones now.
I am working one nite a week with an elderly man of 94. :-) His daughter and I have a lot in common and I enjoy his company. Thats all to report now. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday with all there Christmas wishes coming true!
12/31/08
So every year we all think about the following year and what it brings, what we want to see happen and how different it is gonna be. I have decided I am gonna keep my resolutions simple and attainable. Here they are as follows:
1. Loose 35 lbs. I can do that with no problem by this time next year. I need to eat healthy. Lots of fruits (which I haven't stopped loving since my preggo days) and protein.
2. Moisturize. LOL this one might seem silly but every damned winter my skin looks like I stand around the Artic all day long freezing my ass off and my face is so dry. So this year no matter the weather hot or cold I am gonna take the time to lotion my skin after every shower as I do my little bird.
3. Get our debt managed and back on our feet hopefully getting a savings account back up and running sometime this summer.
4. Experience the world with my son through his eyes and make it as colorful and educational as I possibly can.
5. Graduate with my bachelors in May.
6. Bring my Mother and her children together with her family again and back the way my Grandmother left us all.
So thats it folks. These are attainable goals and ones to which I look forward to immensley! I hope you all have a blessed and joyous 2009!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Luca's birth part2
So I wrote the story leading up to the big moment but I didn't finish my hospital time up as well as the first couple days at home, so I thought I would do that nowwhile its still fresh in my head, happening less than 6 months ago. I watched them pull Luca out of me. The numbing doc (as I call him) turned the mirror so I could see them take Luca to the warmer. He cried while hey suctioned him on top of me and I began to cry with him so relieved to hear his little wail. Toni stood up beside me looking over there towards the action and I saw her straining to see so I told her to get up and go be with him. She walked over there. When they pulled him out my breathing became a little easier and I wasn't struggling so badly anymore. The poor boy was a little blue due to my lack of o2 and I ended up wearing a toe o2 measurer for 2 of my days in the hospital that would alert the nurses whenever I fell below a certain level. The problem was the damn thing was loud as hell when I did fall below in sleep or whenever else and would wake my hole room up. Back to the delivery room...Luca cried more and more as theygaev him a little o2 himself and warmed, cleaned and assessed him in that area of the room. I watched the hole time. After they were done sewing me up I was transported onto a small bed and wheeled into recovery. Toni and Luca were waiting for me in there only having gone in a few minutes before me. The nurses started pushing the pain meds but I was still numb and said I wanted to wait. Toni had a little talk with Luca and was holding him in a chair when I came in. He was put into my arms and I cried even more. He was so amazing in every way. I began looking him over. Examining his little features and thanking God he was ok and healthy. I got a lecture from the numbing Doc while I was holding my baby. I simply tuned him out. Saying I should have told him there was a paralized vocal cord in my neck blah blah blah. I had my baby and thats all that I cared about. We tried breast feeding but at that point he was as exhausted as I was so we snuggled and waiting for the spinal to wear off.
When it did and I could wiggle my toes I was shipped to my postpardum room where we spent the remainder of our time. The pain kicked in and I took the Diluid offered to me. Toni followed Luca in and out of the nursery for his checkup and first bath and everything else that needed to be done. I caught the hang of breast feeding though it took a while and some good instruction. My milk came in at the hospital and we learned a good bit. Visitors came and we chatted with them. They got to meet the little man. And I got little sleep at all but was so happy to have him here!
The first car ride home was amazing. I was still really sore and Toni drove us slowly home as we contemplated our lives together. The first week took some adjusting and her Mom helped me coming for 8 or so hours a day and just letting me nap and watching him while I took a shower and such. Luca spent a lot of time on the breast. It was where he was most secure and would often comfort nurse at all hours of the day or night.
See future blogs for updates and such....
Monday, February 2, 2009
Dear Luca part 2
Dear Luca, 12/22/08
I took the time while I was pregnant to write you a little letter as you grew within my womb and now I feel the need to write another while you are here our world.
As I lay in bed with your Mommy tonight I thought of so many wonderful things. When I saw you the first time I felt as though I was seeing someone so familiar to me. I was seeing you. The essence of you. Your future. My love. My creation and my soul. I watched your tiny face as you saw this world for the first time and I couldn't help but to be in awe. How many firsts you will have and how your future will pan out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you and there is no love greater then that which we share. I still see your broad chest, your little skinny legs and your tiny squinty eyes looking at me when I held your the first time. The bond was incredible! Now your here growing teeth, rolling over, clinging to me each time I put a pacifier to your mouth and yelling Mamaaaaaaa when you want comfort. My little angel. Tonight your Mommy and I talked about how different our lives were, of our plans for the future and of the "marvel" you truly are. Tonight I knew I needed to get out of bed and come down here and blog these words as a memory for you of this night which isn't that special since its everynight that your complete and amaze me.
I love you son!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Dear Luca
Dear Luca, Friday, May 16, 2008
Finally you are here. The time during which you were inside my womb has passed by so quickly. I have been thinking about writing this letter just for you since I found out I was pregnant, When I made the decision to carry you I worried about so many things. I worried about your life inside the womb knowing I had fertility issues and a history of cancer, as well as your life outside the womb with the way the world is. I studied everything anyone could ever need to know to make sure I did everything right before you were even conceived. I came from a broken home (Your Mom-Mom and Your Pappaw) and was raised by two people who couldn’t have been more in love (Your Great Mom-Mom and Great Pop Pop). I never wanted to put a child through a situation where two parents weren’t there. When I met your other Mommy I knew I found love in a pure form and can only hope that one day you will find the same love. I knew when I decided to get pregnant that it would all work out because there will never have been a child more wanted than you are.
When I wasn’t sure I was pregnant, I remember lying in bed singing to you as you implanted and started to grow. I spent time praying to God to give me a child, to keep you safe and to keep me healthy so you would be okay. The song I had chosen to sing to you was “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.” It was after Thanksgiving and before Christmas and I have always been one to love the holidays, especially Christmas. To me it was about the birth of Christ, Christmas trees, decorations and times when families spent happy memorable times gathered around a table smiling and laughing. Your middle name was chosen because you were the best Christmas present I have ever received and because of that song that just stuck in my head and to which I still sing to you now.
When I first saw your tiny beating heart on that ultrasound machine I had the most sensational relief. I knew in my heart that everything would be okay. You started to grow and we grew with you. We came to prepare for parenthood and came to understand what unconditional love really is. You truly are the “bringer of light” that your first name implies and I have no doubts that its reputation will continue to follow you throughout your own life. My wishes for you are ones of love (to be happy in your heart), imagination (to look beyond the world we live in and imagine your own), strength (to walk away from situations that hurt you and to know when to offer your heart to someone in need), respect (for the earth and everything in it), creativity (in any way you choose) and dreams (follow them wherever they lead). Most of all I want you to know that I love you more than life itself and I will always be with you wherever you are and no matter where I am. I am here.
Lots of Hugs and Kisses, Your Mama
Finally you are here. The time during which you were inside my womb has passed by so quickly. I have been thinking about writing this letter just for you since I found out I was pregnant, When I made the decision to carry you I worried about so many things. I worried about your life inside the womb knowing I had fertility issues and a history of cancer, as well as your life outside the womb with the way the world is. I studied everything anyone could ever need to know to make sure I did everything right before you were even conceived. I came from a broken home (Your Mom-Mom and Your Pappaw) and was raised by two people who couldn’t have been more in love (Your Great Mom-Mom and Great Pop Pop). I never wanted to put a child through a situation where two parents weren’t there. When I met your other Mommy I knew I found love in a pure form and can only hope that one day you will find the same love. I knew when I decided to get pregnant that it would all work out because there will never have been a child more wanted than you are.
When I wasn’t sure I was pregnant, I remember lying in bed singing to you as you implanted and started to grow. I spent time praying to God to give me a child, to keep you safe and to keep me healthy so you would be okay. The song I had chosen to sing to you was “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.” It was after Thanksgiving and before Christmas and I have always been one to love the holidays, especially Christmas. To me it was about the birth of Christ, Christmas trees, decorations and times when families spent happy memorable times gathered around a table smiling and laughing. Your middle name was chosen because you were the best Christmas present I have ever received and because of that song that just stuck in my head and to which I still sing to you now.
When I first saw your tiny beating heart on that ultrasound machine I had the most sensational relief. I knew in my heart that everything would be okay. You started to grow and we grew with you. We came to prepare for parenthood and came to understand what unconditional love really is. You truly are the “bringer of light” that your first name implies and I have no doubts that its reputation will continue to follow you throughout your own life. My wishes for you are ones of love (to be happy in your heart), imagination (to look beyond the world we live in and imagine your own), strength (to walk away from situations that hurt you and to know when to offer your heart to someone in need), respect (for the earth and everything in it), creativity (in any way you choose) and dreams (follow them wherever they lead). Most of all I want you to know that I love you more than life itself and I will always be with you wherever you are and no matter where I am. I am here.
Lots of Hugs and Kisses, Your Mama
Into the World...
So this is Luca's story. We got to the hospital a little early. We waited forever after goin through registration to get back to the prep room for the c section. It was a little tense. We kept going through everything and I went over Doc Hunter's prep talk with me a thousand times in my head. We got back to the prep room and things went quickly from then for several reasons. The lady came in asked all the medical questions and stuxk me (twice OUCH) for the IV. I had Toni do the pubic shaving so we wouldnt have to deal with that mess. Next she put the catheter in. Folks if you have ever had this done with no numbing med then you know what I am talking about. Here I am pregnant with a 9 lb + baby pressing on my urethra and all this woman can tell me was take a deep breath. I did and it still hut like hell! I was shaking from the pain of the catheter right up until they injected the spinal. I went into the OR got up on the table. They did the spinal number and then the actual spinal and I laid down. Toni was out in the scrub up room getting prepped as well and pacing around. When she got to come in I was pale and concentrating on every single breath I took. Imparently I have some syndrome I didnt realize I had that makes a person loose the ability to breath and then have there blood pressure drop out. The Anesthesiologist took Doc Hunter to the side (above my head where I could hear) and he said "We gotta get this baby out now her blood pressure is steadily dropping" Next thing I know they were cutting me open. Telling me to look in the upper mirror to watch my baby come out of my belly and Luca was born.
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