Todays the day

Today starts my fruit fast. At 12 o'clock I wont be consuming anything but fruit, water and green tea for 3 days. I did this once before and did well. Dreaming is lucid and the body is detoxed which is something I believe everyone should experience. I wanted to start Friday then remembered that we had a playdate that fell through anyway. So it starts today. I am looking forward to it.

I will blog as I go on as a means of keeping track of things and recording dreams and meditations. So wish me luck!

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We have foundly found another movie that Luca will watch. We borrowed the Lion King from Toni's sister and Luca is watching it as we speak. We have made it through the first hour without to many complaints. So it may turn out to be a gabba gabba free day LOL

Stroking my ego...

So I have been told by a few people that I write good. Toni is my number 1 fan when it comes to the erotica I have written her but I have been busted on a few times before and so it kinda gets you down. For whatever reason every single history class I have taken in college I have gotten high marks (mostly A's) and done very well in. I have a interest in history in my adult years that I didn't have in highschool. This semester I am taking a Native American History class and these are some of the things the teacher has written copied and pasted right from the grade book page on comments.

Tina, Insightful comments. There are indeed parallels between our western traditions and those of various Native cultures. My favorite is the Kiowa who emerged from a giant hollow log following a great flood. Sound similar to anything you may have heard before? :)
Hi Tina, It is a powerful film. Mel Gibson has the abilit to hit a nerve, both positively and negatively depending on your viewpoint. While the claim is that it is the Mayan being depicted it was entirely Aztec. One Spanish priest back in 1519, traveling with Cortez reported witnessing 800 human sacrifices at the Great Temple in Tenochtitlan. Blood stains on Aztec pyramids lasted decades before they finally faded. Their cruelty to their neighbors allowed them to be conqered by a very small force of Spanish... Less than 1000 vs. 600,000 Aztecs... As the Arab proverb reads..."The enemy of my enemy is my friend..." Sadly for the Meso-American Tribes, they didn't find any friends they just replaced the Aztec tryanny with that of the Spanish. Good insight into the plight of the mother and child. As a man I was struck by his friend being killed next to him but missed the mother-child tragedy. Very good analysis.
Hi Tina, I always enjoy the unique way you look at history. You write well and express your opinions in a very convincing manner. Your reference to "appealing to the softer side..." made me think. As independent, free thinkers it must have been a terrible blow to these proud people to have to yield everything they were to the American government. I'm not sure I would be ready to lay it all aside if I were in their place but then again, you have to consider the children and the welfare of the entire tribe. My son is 22 and quite the warrior at heart. He and I have discussions on historical topics like this often. He is at a stage I can remember well... ( I call it 10-feet tall and bulletproof) While I could concede to similar demands in defense of my family now...I don't think my son would, I'm sure his attitude was prevalent in the young men of the tribe. It was a sad and trying time for these people. Thanks.

Its nice to here these things. To know I put in an effort and to have the effort rewarded in A+ assignments and comments to my work. You can have your ego stroked in so many ways sometimes its nice to here plain words...
I have been uploading videos and (cell phone) mobile pics to facebook so feel free to add me there to see those additional Luca pics and videos.

The P in the bed

Ok so last night I was EXHAUSTED! I went up to bed with a half a headache laid there talking to Toni and feel asleep mid conversation. I couldn't help it. Luca is cutting teeth and it is hard on us all. LOL He wakes up about every three hours or so fussing from his spot 3 feet from my head in his own bed and my internal alarm goes off as soon as I hear him. "Allright bird I say, Mama's here" which always quiets him down... stumbling to his bed, I pop in the binky and its off to make a bottle I go...I come back get him up and make the bottle. Well the second time I went through this ritual last night I was half asleep I am always very careful where he is concerned by didn't really think about the possiblility that he could't be on the bed. He never has before though yesterday I was looking at his rear end while changing a nu. 2 diaper cause he decided to role over mid swipe of the tush. LOL So I am focusing on trying to get the diaper in middle of his behind he over his head and on to our bed goes the pee. Well folks I finish changing the diaper to look above his head and see a wet spot. I know I didnt pee the bed and conclude he did right in the middle of everything! Toni and I both woke up cause there is nothing like pee in the bed! lol I had to laugh about it cause it was hilarious. He has taken to zerberting my arm as well that cracks me up. I will have to get that one on video. Needless to say the pee has been scrubbed with fabric cleaner this am and febreezed. Just thought I would share that one with everyone...

Moral of the story: Beward the P! lol You never know where it will land!

Tina time results...

So today went well. I went upstairs and did the yoga half heartedly. I guess I just want to stretch a little go through some old things and unwind and think. Sometimes I think we just need to sit and be. When I was done I sat down on the floor and drug out a tin I keep herbs (NO not the kind you smoke people!! Medicinal ones mostly and ran across the chaste berry I used when trying to get pregnant (natures clomid it helps to regulate a woman) mugwort (helps with cramps) sage (to burn and purify) and so on. The smell of that tin brings back a lot of memories and if I could bottle it up and sell it people would buy it for potpori. Its a good smell, earthy and rich. I pulled out an old tarot deck (Shapeshifter Tarot) I have had for quite a few years and decided to give her a shot. I really centered myself before asking the deck the question "What can I expect this year?" and the answers I got were a really good and will require a lot of thought. The cards the showed up were:

Sourceress
Sourcerer
Skills
The Double
Lovers
Partnership
The Mother
Happiness
Journey
Transcendance
Desire
Success

Afterwards I laid down to meditate and immediatly in my head entered Tremor a thoroughbred I used to take care of on the farm. I loved this damn horse. He was my light when there was none during a shitty time in my life. He passed away on Christmas Eve a few years ago when my ol boss had to put him down. I was DEVASTATED! His body had to lay on the farm property until the 1-800 dead cow people could come get him. (yes thats who his remains were sent to I never got over that. I always thought he should have been buried on the property. When you can love an animal he after he knocks your ass in his rotten peanut butter smelling horse shit you know thats special LOL. Anyway... he touched my heart. I took the last walk with him down the driveway and practically carried his weight. I will never forget it. Well I rode him in this meditation and it was fabulous!

Tina time...

So today I am taking 2 hours out for me and whatever I want to do. I was laying in bed last night contemplating getting out of bed just to come down here and turn on my yoga tape. I just wanta burn some sage play some music and stretch and relax and just let go of the stress of the last couple months and then meditate. Afterwards me and the birdie are gonna splash in the tub. I am gonna email my friend Wayne about a spring time sweat. I feel like I could use one. I wish we had a sauna I would be in that sucker all the time. If Toni and I ever come into money I am gonna treat myself to one. :-) Yoga is such a stress reducer its almost as good as sex when your through and the body thanks you for it. So thats the plan for today... Enjoy your sunday folks.

Vacations, Me and the Luca bird...

So Toni and I have locked in a place in the Green Mountains (I figured we have been to the poconos, the smokies, the blue ridge and the applalations why not the Green :-) Its a cute little house on a lake about 8 hours north of here. Were going on labor day with Luca. We wanted to do something inexpensive since money is tight and we will have a one year old running all over the place. LOL I am excited. We will prolly do Ocean city this summer as usual but we need a just us kinda deal. The woman I was being paid to care for got pissed that I couldn't be there to care for her all the time (she liked the way I was able to lift and move her) and fired the company complaining money issues. I have to laugh cause I don't know how she will manage. I am thinking by Sunday she will be callin them back reconsidering when there is no one there to move her 500 times throughout the night. She has a lot of mental health issues that require more care then I have the degree to give her (along with a few perscriptions) so I have no idea what will come out of that one. I am flattered by her devotion to me however WOW! The woman at the agency said she told them they needed more people like me. HAH! Anyhow.. here is a video we took of Luca while waiting in the Doc's office. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

Luca's 6 month update, good things and dieting

So again I am up. Its after 2 am. For some reason I always feel the need to blog now. I don't know if its cause Yo Gabba Gabba isn't going on feet from the pc or because my best thoughts ands insights come around this time or if its simply because I am up with a little bird at that time and just can't get back to sleep (this is prolly it). This nights 2 am trip down here was for tylenol a drink and to chek email since Toni and I went up to our room a little early last night to wash up Luca and watch Survivor.

Good things have happened for us recently and things are looking up. I start my full time job on the 23rd of this month. On the meantime I am workin for a woman in home through my current agency thats a bit hard to handle but I am managing and getting paid a good bit for it so I can't really complain. Toni starts her new job on Tuesday and wil be doing a bunch of training in prep for it which will mean day shift hours which is fine for us. We haev daycare figured out. The 1 hour in between her shift and mine will be taking on her Mom and Dad which is on our way to the jobs. Luca will be sleeping so they don't have to do anything for him. Since I will have an every other weekend off schedule and she will too most likely it will only be for a couple (2-3) days a week. :-)

Luca is growing like a weed. He is 6 months old offically. For this months update he:
Can sit on his own (sort a but throws himself back a lot). Is rolling over constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY lol its difficult to change a diaper)
Learning to hold his own bottle (were working on it). LOVES yo gabba gabba (and will actually get mad when DJ Lane says "Yo its almost time to go...")Likes music alot. Tinkers with everything which makes me think he will have the donors mechanical abilities. Is picky about his food and is making attempts at holding his own utensils. Is having seperation anxiety and won't sleep through the night in his room but has no problem in ours LOL. Goes forward and sideways in his walker though were not sure he knows what he is doing. Trying to cross his legs. Splashing in the tub. Tommorow we find out how much he weighs for sure ( I know its at least 26lbs) and 31" long but its could be more.

Its been 5 days now since I have gone without chocolate or any sweets for that matter. I am dieting hardcore. No candy bars, no icecream, no nothing! I feel like a smoker giving up cigarettes or a diabetic going without sugar. If I eat chocolate in any form (even low calorie cereal) it makes me want to real deal and I refuse to do it. So its healthy food for me! To subsitute the stuff I cant have I have been stuff I like (like 97% fat free VA baked ham and cheese sadwiches on dark german wheat bread with ketchup and baked lays LOL) Anyhow... I need to go to bed. I will post Luca's weight and height after his appointment tommorow. Nite folks.

Strange meditations

So the anniversry dinner was a success. Luca had a night with the Grandparents who were happy to have him and we had a night to ourselves. The food was good, the conversation was great and the sex was hot! (Sorry TMI) After all was said and done and before we went to bed I decided to pull out my power animal meditation book that I use to use every once in a while and do one before bed since I knew I could allow my mind to completely relax without listening to every little sound coming from our monitor which is ingrained in my head. I looked around through the different ones and finally decided on Hippo which is entitled "Rebirth". Toni read it to me and I got comfortable the following is what I saw.
I was in a huge aquarmarine tank with a large female hippo. Telepathically we were talking about rebirth and motherhood and what it all meant. I could smell the sweet smell of the lotuses that floated around in the water with us. I felt a strange weight below and between my legs and looked down to see an umbilical cord like vine connecting me to a child. When I pulled the baby out of the water and looked at it I could see clearly it was a little girl. That pulled me out of the hole thing....

Now before you all start going where I know you want to go let me explain to you that I am NOT having anymore children. We have talked before in my blogs about my uterus and my say on who lives in it. Before having Luca I went through a Native American Sweat and Journey to meet my child and saw I would be having a boy in fact I saw Luca in about 3 or 4 more years having dressed himself coming down the stairs to brag at his accomplishments. Now back to my argument. 1. With havin my son I am working to give him all the things I only dreamed of when I was a kid. 2. Since I am not a fan of day care its difficult to get schedules the first 5 years to meet a childs needs. 3. That while Luca was supposed to be a natural water birth he was a C baby and I am a high risk pregnancy so my dreams of vaginal births and birthing tanks are over. 5. I nearly died having him that says it all! So dont go getting excited here people. I know Toni is never gonna get in a birthing tank if she changes her mind about having a child though I am just about positive it would be a girl so someone else will have to live out that one for me. The meditation was powerful though so I decided to look on its other meanings and here is what I found... ps. We rushed to pick up our little bird in the morning cause we missed him like CRAZY and like 2 people who just didnt know how function without him!

Hippo: symbol of birth, motherhood, protection of young
The hippopotamus is associated with birth, motherhood and the protection of young. The Hippopotamus, whose name means 'River Horse', protects the woman of the house, especially the woman of childbearing age.
The Hippo lives both underwater and on land. It is both practical and stable and tends to follow set patterns. The hippo teaches us to follow a path that is determined to be successful.
The hippo represents routine paths and an intuition for truth that lead to our goals in life.
While underwater, the Hippopotamus is able to see, hear and breathe. This can teach us a higher level of perception, and so increase intuition for the heart and truth of situations in life.
HIPPOPOTAMUS

Power

Hippopotamus lives in Water, the ancient realm of birth, power, creation, imagination, and healing. Hippopotamus brings an awakening of our higher sensibilities. It enables lucid dreaming and spirit contact. Hippopotamus is a link to the spiritual, artistic and healing realms of water. It teaches you how to be strong in all of them. Learning to control powerful creative energies is the lesson that Hippopotamus gives you.

TAURET (taweret, ipet, opet)
Taweret was the ancient Egyptian goddess of maternity and childbirth, protector of women and children. Like Bes, she was both a fierce demonic fighter as well as a popular deity who guarded the mother and her newborn child.
She was depicted as a combination of a crocodile, a pregnant hippopotamus standing on her hind legs with large breasts and a lion. Unlike the composite demoness Ammut, her head and body were that of the hippo, her paws were that of the lion, and her back was the back of a crocodile. All of these animals were man killers, and as such she was a demoness.
All three animals were regarded as fierce creatures who would kill to protect their young.
It was in her role of a protector that she was seen as a goddess. As the mother hippo is protective of her young, Taweret was believed to be protective of Egyptian children. She was often shown holding the sa hieroglyph of protection or the ankh hieroglyph of life. She was thought to assist women in labour and scare off demons that might harm the mother or child.
Because hippos are denizens of the fertile Nile mud, Egyptians also saw them as symbols of rebirth and rejuvenation. The birth-related aspect of the hippo’s powers also appears in the complicated shape of the goddess Taweret, who protects women in childbirth.
(taken directly from http://www.crystalinks.com/taweret.html)
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Here is some info I found regarding Hippo as totem:
The Hippopotamus
The Hippopotamus is an amazing animal that lives both underwater and above ground. It combines the elements of earth and water and teaches us how to integrate the attributes of both into our daily life.
Water is associated with intuitive knowing and earth is associated with practicality and stability. The hippopotamus asks those with this totem to act upon their intuition without analyzing it while maintaining a practical grounded life style.
Hippopotamus are amphibious and have special adaptations for life in the water. It can safely stay underwater, able to breath, hear, and see the world above without having to expose its body. When this medicine if fully developed those with this totem have an innate ability to know what lies beneath the surface of any situation. They speak and see truth and demand that others respect that truth
Hippo’s need water deep enough to cover them because there skin is delicate and thin and vulnerable to overheating. Those with this medicine are susceptible to sunstroke and sun related problems including dehydration so care should be taken when outdoors.
Although the Hippopotamus is extremely agile and flexible in its movements it has a tendency to develop set patterns. When they leave the water at dusk, they prefer to follow the same path creating a rut in the ground several feet deep. The hippopotamus teaches us to find a path that works for us and to stay on it to reach our true destination.

Update

Some things to report. I was offered the position for House Manager but as many of you know I turned it down in favor of an assistant house manager position with better hours for which I could be around for my bird. Recently Hospice has got word that I was looking for employment and would like me back as well. I decided to interview with them tomorrow and haven't decided whether or not I will take the position which is an evening shift. The work is easier then that of a nursing home and you get to take time with each patient but when multiple people are in the active stages of passing away it can get hectic. Its hard to watch people pass away but while I was there before it helped me deal with my own grief dealing with my Grandmother. If I would have seen then what I have seen since I wouldn't have lived years bitter and selfish as I did. So I don't know. I will post more on that tomorrow. So at least I am a wanted commodity now it just about making the right choice for me and my family. Part of me wants the SRA (Senior Residentual Assistant) cause its a close nit family relationship with 4 guys who are not to far above the level of a child. It taking care of there needs and seeing there appreciation in it all. On the other hand the benefits are great at my old job and the staff there appreciates me as well as the families I have come in contact with. What to do? Stay tuned tommorow for the final word...

Christmas post...

So I am catching blogger up to some of my myspace post. I am not gonna put them all on here but I will put a few of the important ones. Here is the Christmas and New Years posts.



12/23/08
So my little bird is giving the Grandparents a hard way to go. LOL I was told today that he cries much of the time I am gone from him won't eat and can'tbe comforted. What does that say? I have a strong connection with my baby. We spend 99% of our time together (last night I even put him in the bed when he couldn't get comfortable). He wants what he wants and at 4 months old is VERY capable of letting EVERYONE know or make their life a living hell in the process. Sooner or later he will grow out of it but as our pediatrician told me in the beginning at this age there is no such thing as spoiling your baby.

Mama is in the process of making his mash potatoes ahead of time for Christmas Eve dinner. He has been eating so well. I don't know whether or not I am to blame though for his lack of enthusiasm in the veggie dept. I ate a lot of potato products and fruit when I was pregnant. Its the only thing that tasted right to me.

Toni will be home some time tommorow but were not sure what time. We celebrate Christmas Eve at her parents house. This year were having prime rib. YUM! I am cooking a VERY large Ham dinner for my family Christmas Day which will consist of real cheesy mashed potatoes and green bean casserole which I can never get enough of on the holidays. I have a recipe for an awesome ham glaze I wanta try.

Happy Holidays to your all! And see you in the New Year!

12/26/08

So Christmas is over. (see pics) This year was HECTIC but enjoyable. Toni's mom made this hige elaborate dinner that took 2 hours to get through. We had broccoli cheese soup, prong salad, fruit, prime rib, potatoes and green bean alomondine. Before dinner we opened presents which didnt take so long. Luca got some clothes and toys to which he seemed to like a lot. He was enthusiastic about ripping paper which was funny to watch. Afterwards we played Disney Trivia and I rocked! LOL

My family came over for Christmas dinner and we had the pitter patter clomp through the house as my niece ran ALL OVER THE HOUSE after the dog. LMAO. My Mother of course ran after her while loading her up with sugar which did not help the situation. Dinner was good. My Ham was a hit and the presents were as well. :-) Thanks for the digital frame Fe! I promise to put it to good use. What an awesome present.

The Tree came down today along with the decorations. (Remember folks I decorate the 3rd of Nov. LOL) Back to baby toys and stuff all over the living room.

Toni has is running her second load as I speak and doing well. :-) I am very proud of her. Today she goes from Jessup to New York. Luca has rolled over the first time today. I was very excited to see him on his belly with his arms holding up his upper half when I came back in from the kitchen. More teeth are coming no signs of buds yet though. He has 2 bottom ones now.

I am working one nite a week with an elderly man of 94. :-) His daughter and I have a lot in common and I enjoy his company. Thats all to report now. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday with all there Christmas wishes coming true!

12/31/08

So every year we all think about the following year and what it brings, what we want to see happen and how different it is gonna be. I have decided I am gonna keep my resolutions simple and attainable. Here they are as follows:

1. Loose 35 lbs. I can do that with no problem by this time next year. I need to eat healthy. Lots of fruits (which I haven't stopped loving since my preggo days) and protein.

2. Moisturize. LOL this one might seem silly but every damned winter my skin looks like I stand around the Artic all day long freezing my ass off and my face is so dry. So this year no matter the weather hot or cold I am gonna take the time to lotion my skin after every shower as I do my little bird.

3. Get our debt managed and back on our feet hopefully getting a savings account back up and running sometime this summer.

4. Experience the world with my son through his eyes and make it as colorful and educational as I possibly can.

5. Graduate with my bachelors in May.

6. Bring my Mother and her children together with her family again and back the way my Grandmother left us all.

So thats it folks. These are attainable goals and ones to which I look forward to immensley! I hope you all have a blessed and joyous 2009!

Luca's birth part2

So I wrote the story leading up to the big moment but I didn't finish my hospital time up as well as the first couple days at home, so I thought I would do that nowwhile its still fresh in my head, happening less than 6 months ago. I watched them pull Luca out of me. The numbing doc (as I call him) turned the mirror so I could see them take Luca to the warmer. He cried while hey suctioned him on top of me and I began to cry with him so relieved to hear his little wail. Toni stood up beside me looking over there towards the action and I saw her straining to see so I told her to get up and go be with him. She walked over there. When they pulled him out my breathing became a little easier and I wasn't struggling so badly anymore. The poor boy was a little blue due to my lack of o2 and I ended up wearing a toe o2 measurer for 2 of my days in the hospital that would alert the nurses whenever I fell below a certain level. The problem was the damn thing was loud as hell when I did fall below in sleep or whenever else and would wake my hole room up. Back to the delivery room...Luca cried more and more as theygaev him a little o2 himself and warmed, cleaned and assessed him in that area of the room. I watched the hole time. After they were done sewing me up I was transported onto a small bed and wheeled into recovery. Toni and Luca were waiting for me in there only having gone in a few minutes before me. The nurses started pushing the pain meds but I was still numb and said I wanted to wait. Toni had a little talk with Luca and was holding him in a chair when I came in. He was put into my arms and I cried even more. He was so amazing in every way. I began looking him over. Examining his little features and thanking God he was ok and healthy. I got a lecture from the numbing Doc while I was holding my baby. I simply tuned him out. Saying I should have told him there was a paralized vocal cord in my neck blah blah blah. I had my baby and thats all that I cared about. We tried breast feeding but at that point he was as exhausted as I was so we snuggled and waiting for the spinal to wear off.

When it did and I could wiggle my toes I was shipped to my postpardum room where we spent the remainder of our time. The pain kicked in and I took the Diluid offered to me. Toni followed Luca in and out of the nursery for his checkup and first bath and everything else that needed to be done. I caught the hang of breast feeding though it took a while and some good instruction. My milk came in at the hospital and we learned a good bit. Visitors came and we chatted with them. They got to meet the little man. And I got little sleep at all but was so happy to have him here!

The first car ride home was amazing. I was still really sore and Toni drove us slowly home as we contemplated our lives together. The first week took some adjusting and her Mom helped me coming for 8 or so hours a day and just letting me nap and watching him while I took a shower and such. Luca spent a lot of time on the breast. It was where he was most secure and would often comfort nurse at all hours of the day or night.

See future blogs for updates and such....

Dear Luca part 2

Dear Luca, 12/22/08

I took the time while I was pregnant to write you a little letter as you grew within my womb and now I feel the need to write another while you are here our world.

As I lay in bed with your Mommy tonight I thought of so many wonderful things. When I saw you the first time I felt as though I was seeing someone so familiar to me. I was seeing you. The essence of you. Your future. My love. My creation and my soul. I watched your tiny face as you saw this world for the first time and I couldn't help but to be in awe. How many firsts you will have and how your future will pan out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you and there is no love greater then that which we share. I still see your broad chest, your little skinny legs and your tiny squinty eyes looking at me when I held your the first time. The bond was incredible! Now your here growing teeth, rolling over, clinging to me each time I put a pacifier to your mouth and yelling Mamaaaaaaa when you want comfort. My little angel. Tonight your Mommy and I talked about how different our lives were, of our plans for the future and of the "marvel" you truly are. Tonight I knew I needed to get out of bed and come down here and blog these words as a memory for you of this night which isn't that special since its everynight that your complete and amaze me.

I love you son!

Dear Luca

Dear Luca, Friday, May 16, 2008

Finally you are here. The time during which you were inside my womb has passed by so quickly. I have been thinking about writing this letter just for you since I found out I was pregnant, When I made the decision to carry you I worried about so many things. I worried about your life inside the womb knowing I had fertility issues and a history of cancer, as well as your life outside the womb with the way the world is. I studied everything anyone could ever need to know to make sure I did everything right before you were even conceived. I came from a broken home (Your Mom-Mom and Your Pappaw) and was raised by two people who couldn’t have been more in love (Your Great Mom-Mom and Great Pop Pop). I never wanted to put a child through a situation where two parents weren’t there. When I met your other Mommy I knew I found love in a pure form and can only hope that one day you will find the same love. I knew when I decided to get pregnant that it would all work out because there will never have been a child more wanted than you are.

When I wasn’t sure I was pregnant, I remember lying in bed singing to you as you implanted and started to grow. I spent time praying to God to give me a child, to keep you safe and to keep me healthy so you would be okay. The song I had chosen to sing to you was “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.” It was after Thanksgiving and before Christmas and I have always been one to love the holidays, especially Christmas. To me it was about the birth of Christ, Christmas trees, decorations and times when families spent happy memorable times gathered around a table smiling and laughing. Your middle name was chosen because you were the best Christmas present I have ever received and because of that song that just stuck in my head and to which I still sing to you now.

When I first saw your tiny beating heart on that ultrasound machine I had the most sensational relief. I knew in my heart that everything would be okay. You started to grow and we grew with you. We came to prepare for parenthood and came to understand what unconditional love really is. You truly are the “bringer of light” that your first name implies and I have no doubts that its reputation will continue to follow you throughout your own life. My wishes for you are ones of love (to be happy in your heart), imagination (to look beyond the world we live in and imagine your own), strength (to walk away from situations that hurt you and to know when to offer your heart to someone in need), respect (for the earth and everything in it), creativity (in any way you choose) and dreams (follow them wherever they lead). Most of all I want you to know that I love you more than life itself and I will always be with you wherever you are and no matter where I am. I am here.

Lots of Hugs and Kisses, Your Mama

Into the World...

So this is Luca's story. We got to the hospital a little early. We waited forever after goin through registration to get back to the prep room for the c section. It was a little tense. We kept going through everything and I went over Doc Hunter's prep talk with me a thousand times in my head. We got back to the prep room and things went quickly from then for several reasons. The lady came in asked all the medical questions and stuxk me (twice OUCH) for the IV. I had Toni do the pubic shaving so we wouldnt have to deal with that mess. Next she put the catheter in. Folks if you have ever had this done with no numbing med then you know what I am talking about. Here I am pregnant with a 9 lb + baby pressing on my urethra and all this woman can tell me was take a deep breath. I did and it still hut like hell! I was shaking from the pain of the catheter right up until they injected the spinal. I went into the OR got up on the table. They did the spinal number and then the actual spinal and I laid down. Toni was out in the scrub up room getting prepped as well and pacing around. When she got to come in I was pale and concentrating on every single breath I took. Imparently I have some syndrome I didnt realize I had that makes a person loose the ability to breath and then have there blood pressure drop out. The Anesthesiologist took Doc Hunter to the side (above my head where I could hear) and he said "We gotta get this baby out now her blood pressure is steadily dropping" Next thing I know they were cutting me open. Telling me to look in the upper mirror to watch my baby come out of my belly and Luca was born.

My Pregnancy "40 Weeks"

11/29/2007

So Toni and I had some heart wrenching news. Apparently I surged for real and clearly 2 days after the insemination and peaked and ovulated 4 days after. I seriously doubt our donors sperm could live in my body that long since he is older. There is maybe a 1% chance I am pregnant but I doubt it. We still won't know until the 6 and will retest again the 8th. Toni and I were both pretty tore up about it. The Clomid is very VERY hard on the body. I was very achy, moody and emotional the entire time I was on it and have decided not to do another month. It kinda like taking you out of your body and replacing you with a real BITCH! While all of us know a few of those some of live in fear of turning into them. *Sigh* I didn't like it. Toni will be the one to carry. We are gonna wait about 6 month if I am not then we will try with her. Her cycle is excellent its runs as it should when it should and she won't need to take anything. Nature will take over. I am really sad about this but there isn't much I can do. Hope you all have a great night... we are baking Christmas cookies tonight. Pics to be posted in albums.

12/6/2007

Everyone will know the results of the first test. Its says you can take it 5 days before you missed period so it’s ok to take it tonight. At or around 5 most of you will have you first but not final answer. The second test is the first is negative will be taking on Monday the day after my period is late if that happens. Again this is a 1 in 1 million shot. I am headed to hibernate in the bed... Negative folks. Will retest if no period on Monday. But there is almost no chance something even a faint line would have shown today. 12/8/2007

Ok so I had crazy ass dreams last night. Even though I am not pregnant in real life the first dream I dreamt I had quads and was trying to save them. It was 3 girls and a boy. The identical girls each had a brown and blue eye. The identical girl had blue eyes and the little boy had the reddest hair I have ever seen. At one point I knew a large truck was gonna hit the rear of the car and I threw myself between the hatchback and the quads and ended up in a coma. When I woke up they were 4. VERY weird. I had to wake up from that dream I had the second which is where I ended up at a lesbian festival slash best buy and was deaf almost the entire time I was there. The only thing I was able to hear with the flash of something was "If all you have to offer me is air, Then breath Rae into me..." it was a little freaky. Before goin to bed I had read the Coyote or Shadow Self meditation to prepare myself before sleep. This is one where you never know what your gonna get... Wow. The possibility of quads is next to none with Toni the one getting pregnant however... I think this dream was trying to tell me that I will end up being an awesome Mother. The fact that I will protect beyond the means of my own existence says something... As for the other one well silence is supposed to teach me something...God knows the Clomid (we think were not sure what is causing it) made my voice shit. I was back to where I was after my surgery sounding almost completely hoarse and its just now going back to where I had it. Have a great weekend folks. I am gonna tackle this damned paper and sit have some pizza with my girl...

12/13/2007

Hi ya folks! So As you all know I found out I was pregnant. It truly is a miracle because the chances were PRETTY slim but as Toni sister put it I guess I got to be that 1. :-) I have been for 2 blood draws with one to go. All for my HCG and Progesterone. My HCG went from 28 to 75 so I nearly tripled the baby making process and am starting to feel the affects of that extra hormone. Rachel Pepper in "The Ultimate Lesbian Guide to Pregnancy" says as women we make baby’s from scratch and that makes us tired as shit. I am finding that out. She said its the equlivalent of scaling a mountain in a day which is a lot of work. My progesterone which is why I took the clomid to begin with is fluctuating but they say thats normal. I am taking progesterone supplements prescribed by my Fertility Doc to give the baby that extra "Umphhhh" to get through everything and add progesterone to my uterus. I have found that I cannot stand the site of cheese or yogurt. The thought makes me want to puke though I don’t mind ice cream or milk. I know weird... No constant cravings yet. More to post following the end of next week. Today starts week 5. :-)

12/17/2007

So I just thought I would post that this baby is a go getter a lot like its Mama. :-) He or she has tripled the HCG results yet again. I went from 28 to 75 to 223. Yeah! And the Progesterone is back up in better places. It went from 14.67 to 10 to 16.26 Yeah! LOL I still have to do the suppositories which are a pain in the ass but you do it. :-) The cravings have started. I have been eating a lot of turkey bacon and craving shellfish and pineapple. LOL And this Thursday assuming I can get them scanned I will post pics of the little one in the 6 week ultrasound. Toni is videotaping the monitor as well. So that’s all the news that is news folks... Post more later this week. Tina n Child.

12/20/2007

So folks I did it. The first vaginal ultrasound of what was supposed to be my 6th week. But since I didn't ovulate until the 28th Doc Hinton said it was only my 5th week. So I am 5 weeks 1 day preggo. There was 1 sac THANK GOD lol and no heartbeat since it doesn't start to beat until next week. The baby isn't big enough to see yet but the sac was clearly visible. We have an ultrasound pic of the that I will post tomorrow. I was disappointed not to be so far along. I really wanted to see a little heartbeat in the sac but no such luck. However the baby is where he or she is supposed to be. Now its just a matter of waiting another week to get out of the woods and declare the viable pregnancy. I am an impatient Aries so this makes it difficult. The nausea hit last night and started again today which Doc Hinton says is a good sign lol. I was thinking what about the atomic titties and the mood swings... this crazy Doc wants me to have morning sickness. *sigh* So here it comes... Tonight I am gonna sit my ass in bed and eat a pint of ice cream after I get some sleep. I am EXHAUSTED!

12/27/2007

There isn't much to say except there was a heartbeat and a baby that doubled his/her size. :-) It is such a miracle seeing the heartbeat flicker on the screen. So amazing and so tear provoking! WOW! I will post pics tomorrow. Tonight is about a movie some snuggling and rest... its been a long day full of happiness. Tina Ps. the nausea has started and my Doc is excited about it. LOL Crackers and ginger ale will become my new best friends I think.

1/1/2008

So as I mentioned before the nausea is on like a rampaging bull. It starts in the evening and lasts until about 11. Doesn't matter what I eat it still there. It comes for a little while in the afternoon but not so much I feel like I have to throw up. My dreams have become incredibly vivid and baby is growing like crazy! So far so good. I have 2 days of work this week then I am off for a weeks vacation to the Caribbean. :-) That will be able to help me relax into my 8th week but Toni and I will not be online throughout that time. This is a relaxing vacation and I need it. Pregnancy is a lot of work on the body and I am constantly tired. :-) I couldn't have picked a better time to get pregnant though cause it going by quickly and the holidays and the fact that my bday and books will come out in the spring and our 3 months off of school should help with everything as well. Our first official OB appointment is Thursday and if there is anything to post I will before we go. Happy New Year to you all and may it give you all the blessing it has given us. Tina

1/14/2008

Well being on a cruise and being pregnant is not an easy task. I did get to enjoy something’s like 1 coke a day and snorkeling as well as the walking tour we went on in San Juan. I usually don't find history interesting but this was history mixed with religion which was. It took me a while to feel up to par. Last week I had to flu that knocked me on my ass. Once that was gone I could deal with the morning sickness. LOL Being pregnant is tiring and its not doing shit for my appetite. While most people dined gourmet on the ship I ate baked potatoes, fruit and icecream. The thought of putting anything with Fois Gras or baby cow in my mouth literally made me want to throw up. Every port just about Toni and I had real food. In Puerto Rico I had chicken salad and in St. Thomas I had chicken salad as well. (my aversion to chicken is gone though I can't stand cream cheese or yogurt) potatoes are my friend since there bland and yesterday I was craving ham and cheese sandwiches on bagel with ketchup and chips on it (that’s not a pregnancy craving that’s just something I like to eat my Grandmother got me hooked LOL). I also had REALLY good wings at Senor Frogs in the Bahamas’. Not sure what the little bean thought of that but it tasted good going down. LOL I am regaining some of my energy though I can sleep 12 hours straight with no problem. Things are good the baby is well and we will get to hear the heartbeat on the 31st at my next appointment. Ciao folks! Enjoy your week.

1/20/2008

You know I woke up this afternoon with the song "heroes and friends" in my head. My Grandmother must have been in one of my numerous dreams. The chorus to that song sounded like some the advice she would have given me when she were here. I started thinking about pregnant belly and how blessed I truly am. If there was ever a woman in this world who took pride in being a Mother or could have shown me how precious such a gift was it would be her. She showed me what unconditional love for someone else meant and how much joy there could be in being someone's mother. I think a lot of people take that for granted. I understand now why bear came to me. It was to prepare me for this gift after all do you know a fiercer mother or one who will go above and beyond the call of duty to care for there cub? There is a law in the Alaskan wilderness that says "Never come between a Grizzly bear and her cub!" My doctor called the other day and said there was an issue with my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone). What's new right? I live with a reminder of my cancer every time I look in the mirror and I swear going to the Doc's is like going to the DMV its never good news. So I wasn't able to reach her back so I will have to try on Monday. I will keep you updated. Most likely she will tell me it's to low. Well it's always had to be low to keep the cancer away. Being pregnant and until I am 10 to 12 weeks the baby depends on those numbers. I had my thyroid decreased for this reason but I guess it wasn't enough of a decrease. I don't have to fear miscarriage from I just need to be careful. There isn't much out there on Pregnancy after Thyroid Cancer. Anyway… That's all to report. I just needed to write so I did.

1/22/2008

So she called me Monday morning. I didn't even need to call her. My TSH is low and she wants me to talk to my Endo Dr. Mersey about that. Well for once I would like to keep Doc Mersey outta of some portion of my life but it doesn't look like that will happen. I will call him today and see what he says. The T3 is what they baby depends on and mine is fine. So we will see what he says... *sigh* I am headed back to bed shortly... *yawn* Have a great week folks. Tina

1/26/2008

So things are going well. Work is good. I like the people I work with. We make a great team. It’s important to have that in any profession. My dreams have become super vivd lately. I have had one last week about being in a small mote flipping turtle right side up. The dream I had last night was incredibly odd. I ended up threatening a man who was stealing from people in plane site and when we went to punch my stomach I snapped his neck. (Toni said it was morbid I say no one messes with this baby!) -----> Does not fuck around! Period. Anyhow... technicolor dreams are my reality right now. I gotta say I kinda like it. Though everyone knows my dreams can get a little fucked up. :-) Hence the new background for this blog. I thought she deserved a place somewhere on here and when I saw this picture it literally took my breath away... The weekend is gonna be nice. Toni and I are going to see the "Bucket List" tonight. I have been wanting to see it and people I know who have said it was a great movie. I had some schezuan string beans and now I am ready for bed. Who knows what will happen this time around... Nite peeps. Tina

1/30/2008

Nothing to report. I ended up loosing 2 lbs (prolly from working my ass off lol) and the nausea is waning. I am to the poin now where I only get nauseated if I dont eat or stand to long in the same area. Tomorrow we will hear the heartbeat. I would post it except myspace keeps telling me that my videos are to large. *Sigh* The pud is in TN chasing kittens with her Mother and I am glad to know she is doing ok. I miss her already and she only left Sunday. Thats pretty much what’s going on. Nothing new. I will post tomorrow after the 11 week appointment. Have a great week folks.

1/31/2008

Well the heartbeat was 160. :-) According to my Mother it means its a girl. Based on the wives tail the girls beat stronger then boys do to a faster metabolism. Mom still thinks its a boy however. LOL The baby was hanging out on the left side of my uterus and the Doc said my rate of miscarriage has taken a serious drop at 11 weeks to only 2%. YEAH! So all is well folks.

2/5/2008

So this week was exciting we heard the heartbeat and I have been sleeping ALOT!!! I can't seem to help myself this process of making a baby from scratch is wearing my ass out. I look forward to the end of the 12 weeks blog when I will have gotten some of the energy back. I am so used to being independent with slight OCD's thats it hard to stand by and let someone else do it. I will hand it to Toni however she did a WONDERFUL job cleaning our house for me and I can't thank her enough for that. I need to WAKE up get my energy back and get my pregnant ass a functioning the way its supposed to. LOL I have virtually no appetite as well. Food doesn't taste like it should and I can want something bad only to get it and not really want it. I have been eating lopes and grapes like there going out of style and getting by on cereal bars glasses of milk and PBJ or scrapple and egg sandwiches. I know I am getting plently in the way of protein and especially fruit since it the only thing that tastes like it should. Anyhow... my pickiness means I am right where I am supposed to be as far as gaining weight so I guess its not to bad. Y'all have a great week. I am on a 4 day stretch and off this weekend. Later.

2/13/2008

12 weeks are over 27 more to go. I started week 13 today. The naseua is still hangin out but its bearable. I have a Doc appointment next Thursday and we need to discuss birth plans and all that jazz. Things are good... the mood could be better but I am hoping that will change when I get into this next trimester. They say its the worst in the first. Anyhow... Nothing to report. I gotta bump in my belly and a little one growing quickly. Have a great lovers day folks!

2/20/2008

So all is well. I have a alittle more energy and a healthy baby growing in my belly as we speak. Plans are being made for baby showers and family who also are gonna get pregnant this year. Its an exciting time for me. The aversions haven’t stopped as far as food is concerned. Who knows well all will return to normal in that dept. lol I have an apt next Thursday with the Doc to discuss birthplans and gender ultrasounds. I will keep you all posted on that one. I am happy to be over most the horrible shit and looking forward to the bump getting bigger and the movements therein. Toni says she can see my uterus shift but I still cant see it. Its like the bump moves one way or another but there is no tiny jabs yet. Anyhow... Hope you all are having a great week.

2/25/2008

Well there is more to report this week. I have gotten the flu and in so have prolly been scaring the crap outta of this baby since Friday. I jerk when I cough cause thats what happens when you have no neck muscles to push it out. (all do to the thyroid cancer) I have puked small amounts and I cant get rid of the mucus that’s seems to take over my body. Last night I was in a meeting with classmates online and I had to excuse myself. I felt like shit. I just sat there in our desk chair rocking back and fourth waiting for the wave of shit to hit me. I have been loading up on OJ and milk regardless that it might come up. The only thing working is Tylenol Sinus and Cold which relieves the mucus but makes my nose burn for about 2 hours. I am miserable. On a lighter note I was sittin in the tub today feeling what I can only describe as a cantaloupe in my belly. Its rock hard and completely uncomfortable to lay on or roll to far close to. My uterus is getting bigger. lol I have an appointment on Thursday for the OB for my 15 weeker. Things are well... babies fine though I am miserable. :-) Post more Thursday.

2/28/2008

So it didn’t take long to get the heartbeat on the doppler. Something like 10 seconds. We have a date for the ultrasound. Were gonna go on the 19th. :-) My sister who is also pregnant will be learning what her baby is the same day. Everything is fine and the Doc was great! How EXCITING!!! I am gonna try to post the video I don’t know if it will load or not.

3/5/2008

So as you can see I have gotten quite the bump. Toni and I have made the official appointment for the ultrasound I didn’t get my 19th of March date due to there was no appointments left that day and it takes 1 hour. So I had to wait until the 24th. The appointment is at 9:45 so I will post by noon that day to let you all know what were having. Nothing to report for still have food aversions but the appetite is back for the most part. Hope you all have a great week... and I hope the weekend gets here fast. Tina

3/6/2008

Thanks to Toni's friend at work signing up for a 3d ultrasound package Toni and I were given a deal and will be finding out the sex of our baby on Sunday! YEAH!!! So thats when all will know!!! PS. For mothers and potential preggos there is a huge consignment sale/expo for kids going on at Carroll County Ag center this weekend! I am taking a poll right now as well as to how many think its a boy and how many think its a girl so let me know your thoughts!

3/9/2008

A BOY!!!!!! :-) We saw all there was to see and its definite our baby has a scrotum and a penis. See future blogs for names. For sure his middle name will be Nicholaus but as far as first names we we haven’t decided for sure... stay tuned.

3/10/2008

Well now most of you know its a boy. :-) Let me tell you the story of the ultrasound. Toni and I went in. We waited anxiously. When I laid down on the table not more then 10 seconds later she said "Its a boy" Toni sat with her mouth open I said "Are you sure?" and the woman showed us where the "scrotum" and "penis" were. We were both in shock. I watched him do his exercise routine in my womb thanks to the Dunkin Donuts I had before I went in. He was lifting his bottom, praying, chewing, swallowing and kicking the crap out of my uterus to which I still am not able to feel 100%. I have gotten little flutters in my belly a couple times now. Once talking to a resident I work with and the other time was yesterday in the Walmart when Toni and I went to buy a tv stand for his room. :-) The pic on the profile clearly shows his little nose and ear. The women did a great job for me being 16 weeks pregnant and he is 1/2 inch longer then he should be at this point as well. So all is well. I added captions to some of the pics they took so you all know what your looking at. We are now able to call him he and him but the names are still up in the air. Toni seems to like Luca alot since talking to my belly this morning she mentioned it. It may grow on me enough to but that remains to be seen. Luca Nicholaus Stiltner. Hmmmm?Anyhow... that’s where we are... If you see me and I look like I still might be standing in shock that’s because I am. I didn’t fall off the ultrasound table (thankfully it was to wide) but it was a close thing. Have a great week folks.

3/12/2008

So we have a little boy. The name Luca Nicholaus has stuck and that will be the name used on the birth certificate when he comes into our world. I am starting to nest. Wanting to get the nursery together and thinking about parenthood and what lies ahead of me. Toni is just as excited she cant stop talking about everything and thats really nice to. :-) I found myself holding my belly and smiling thinking about his little nose in my profile picture. I felt the little flutters as mentioned but nothing significant yet. A girl I work with who is 19 weeks says her boyfriend has even been able to feel the bumps and grinds of her baby this past week so we look forward to that time. Soon since I snuggle up behind Toni when we sleep that’s all she will be able to feel. The baby is used to sleeping at night when I am working since I am constantly on the move. Around 4 am or so I feel small things going on but there so faint. The ultrasound lady tells me that’s since his bones are starting to calcify I will be feeling it much stronger soon. Next weekend is the circus (what I wanted to do for my 33rd bday) and I have been looking forward to that all week. I am like a big kid when Ringling Brothers comes to town. Anyway... Here is the update for 17 weeks. I will keep you all posted as we move along.

3/18/2008

So the end of this week is tonight at midnight. :-) I will begin my 18th week. The baby is easier to feel now. Toni felt him for sure last night the first time as there was a little poke to her hand when we were laying in bed last night. That was a great joy for me cause I think its important to share these things with your partner. I continue to read and dream (mostly about food LOL) and think about my baby boy. We have our "doctor" ultrasound complete with measurements and organs and all that on Monday after Easter. We are going to look over Toni’s sisters boys clothes this weekend and bringing all our girl stuff to her. We were surprised to learn that we have something like 58 sleepers and 39 onesies as well as a good number of receiving blankets, hats, socks, outfits, pants, shirts and even a couple winter suits for 0-3 months. :-) I have been loading up on comical rubber ducks for the nursery and thats been fun to. Anyhow... on to the 18th week. Almost half way there.

3/23/2008

Morning folks. I have gotten nearly 12 hours of sleep and I didn’t get up to pee once. It was heaven. (I have been making myself go 3 times within the hour of going to bed that way I don’t have to get up as soon. Yesterday we went to see the Pud. The Easter Aunt’s brought her a basket full of 3 Gerber graduate dinner, fruit snacks, banana cookies, new sippy cups, slippers, 2 DVD’s of Sesame street and veggie tales for which she says melmo and veg-gee. Plus some peeps, jelly beans, bubbles and melmo bubble bath that turns the water colors. We had a good time and she was awful snuggly. I sung and danced with her like an idiot but theres nothing you wont do when your around a kid who makes you feel like a kid yourself. :-) Those of your looking at my profile pic are prolly thinking how unpreggo I look. Life is a blessing when your nearly 6 feet and have a long torso. :-) Dont worry though under that jacket is a baby that is at the top of my belly button now and occasionally power driving my uterus. His little flutters have gotten stronger and there are times when it feels like he is doing the hokey pokey in there. Toni is excited in the prospect of a future NBA star so we can retire early lol and made it her mission to buy basketball related clothes which is too cute. Well folks... I got a dish washer to empty a shower to take and a mission to sort baby clothes and bring home gobs and gobs more. (Amanda Toni’s sister is giving us a SHIT load this morning and then were doing dinner over there.) I gotta tell you the thought of Ham and applesauce makes me smile... Later folks.. Tina HAPPY EASTER PEEPS!!!

3/24/2008

Well based on everything seen we still have a boy (who was not in the least bit shy to show), a good eater (by the looks of his belly). "quite the character" (from the words of the sonographer), and in perfect health. These are all good things to be happy about. She estimated my due date by his size around August 15 but as she said "baby will come when he wants to". :-) I will post newer pics soon. He has gotten around to moving more now. He has been quite active most the morning while his Mama is exhausted. LOL Have a great week folks!

4/2/2008

So Luca has fancied catching me off guard. LOL He bounces around in there like its no ones business while during the day he must be sleeping cause he has yet to wake me up unless its in the evening. Were running a pretty good schedule. In the evening he is really busy in there getting all that needs to get done making the womb a suitable place or something... I could swear at times he is pulling out a tool box. :-) Anyhow... things are going well. Mom and baby are healthy... Hope you all had a nice Easter. Tina

4/9/2008

So things are pretty much in full gear. As you can see the baby is growing quite well and practicing in the womb for the little fighter he will be when he gets here. A girl I work with is preggo as well and due a week before me so we have been comparing notes. Its nice to see someone go through it with you and compare notes. :-) Were both first timers. (in my case only timer in my own body lol) I look forward to moving forward and seeing little parts move and being able to identify them. Now I know the kicks in my lower belly are legs and the little flutters under my button are fists. Post more as we move along. Tina

4/21/2008

So I went to the Doc's today. Heartbeat is still great and we were VERY surprised to learn that from public bone to top of uterus my belly is 26 cms. This is supposed to measure to about what you are in weeks. I had to laugh when she said. I knew this was a big baby and he just keeps growing. :-) I have my glucose test next appointment as well as another TSH test. All is well folks. Have a good week folks!

4/29/2008

Well folks the second trimester is only a couple weeks from being over. I am feeling VERY pregnant these days. Luca has been quite the active little one in utero with his little tumbles, kicks, shifts and spasms. He was letting Toni know last night that he was in there when we were spoon/snuggling in the bed. There getting powerful enough to catch on video now. You can see little jabs coming off my ever growing stomach. He is hearing things outside the womb as well. I was singing while making breakfast this morning and let me know he was there and listening to which I said to him "Good Morning Luca". I am not swelling anywhere yet and my blood pressure has never been so good. The other night at work when I took it it was running 118/72 which it usually runs around 134/70 something. Now a days my blood volume is reaching that 50% more mark and blood flows easier which makes it nice. My life revolves around the little one in my belly. His needs, his movements, my nutrition, what needs to be done for his arrival and when the next Doc appointment is and what I need to do for it. Toni and I spend a lot of time talking about him and are constantly planning and preparing for the arrival. I look forward to the day when the hormones leave lol but I think a small part of me will miss not feeling him in there when he comes into this world. I look forward to checking him over. Comparing his little nose and eyes and fingers to my families and watching him grow into something we created in complete love. They say Mothers bond and get to know there baby when they start to feel them move. I have bonded with him long before the pee stick said yes. I am not one to pray but I do now and I did then. Luca= bringer of light and that’s exactly what he has done in every sense. 16 more weeks to go folks!

Tina and Luca
5/6/2008

So the nursery is done. I can’t tell you how relieved I feel about that one. I just ordered 24 more ducks (lol farmer and redneck ducks) to go in the room for less then 10 bucks Y'all! hehehehehe Anyhow... I think Toni and I did a really nice job with it and its exactly what I had in mind. Now all we need is a baby who is still cooking. I got up earlier to pee and had round ligament pain so damned bad I could have fell over lol. I thought if this is what labor pain feels like I am innnnn trouble. Anywhoo... Nothing to report that wasn’t going on last week. Here is the update for this weeks baby process...


5/10/2008

So today was our hospital tour at GBMC. :-) We learned a lot and got to see all the important areas of the hospital. Labor and delivery rooms were a nice sized, homey, with hardwood floors, flat screen tv's, breast pumps and a baby station. The C-section prep rooms were nice as well as the post partum rooms. At the end of the tour we visited the nursery where we seen 2 5 lbders that were born recently. They were so cute and SOOOO small. My thought is Luca will be MUCH larger but only time and the 36 week ultrasound will tell. Toni and I have scheduled our 30 week 3D ultrasound and will have measurements done then as well. New detailed pics will be posted of him at that time. I am excited. I felt a little silly being there 26 weeks into the pregnancy when the other mothers on tour were only a month or so away from that time for them. I have my next doc appointment on the 19th then after that I start going every 2 weeks. Luca has been very active in the evening bee-popping (as I call it) around all over the place. I dont really know how I manage to sleep through it and I feel bad for Toni sometimes cause she feels it when she is trying to sleep against her bottom. This morning as I got back in bed from taking a pee break I said "prepare to get kicked in the butt" lol cause I knew he was revin up. Happy Mother's Day to you all! Have a good weekend. Tina

5/16/2008

So I was counting my pregnant time and its really coming to an end. Soon I will be back to sleeping on my stomach, listing whatever I want, taking a tylenol when I need it, breaking out my Yoga video and enjoying life as a Mother of a beautiful baby to which I already love more than words can possibly express. I counted it down folks its 6 more paychecks, 6 more weekends off and 13 weeks. Last night I had a dream about August 11th. So the mini me might be born then. They say a Mother's dream are prophetic is some ways. I am ready for him to be here. (when he is through cooking that is) I have my Doc appointment on Monday morning along with my glucose test. Toni and I have a full weekend of taking Miss J to the zoo, going to sex toy bingo and relaxing. I am ready for the week to be over with! Last night. Intimacy I wanted to note here is a wonderful thing when your pregnant. When your snuggling your partner and you both are feeling your son move that can be one of those times that is cherished forever. I certainly will. Grant it we all still get hot and heavy (hell even preggo women have needs) but the little things mean so much. Anyhow... I am writing a letter for Luca to frame and hang on the nursery wall. I want him to know how much I love him and for that love to be displayed. Anyway... Y'all have a great weekend!!!! I am gonna go sit in the tub and listen to my audiobook. Tina

5/19/2008

Doc said I was measuring 30 centimeters and we will be doin an ultrasound at 32 weeks to get his size just to make sure he isnt growing to large. LOL I drank the nasty shit for the gestational diabetes test and it gave me the serious gitters so I have a couple days to wait on that one. Heartbeat was good along with the little kicks in between beats from Luca letting the nurse know he wasnt pleased with something touching my belly. I am supposed to start counting. 10 kicks in 12 hours which I know I can get out of him any one time I sit in a comfortable chair or lie down. He is a pretty active baby. Good news is I only gained 1 1b in the last 4 weeks so that’s good. :-) So folks everything is fine. He is growing like a weed and I am healthy. Have a good week!

6/1/2008

So this week came with a few surprises. As those of your who have been following my blog know I have suffered round ligament pain since the very beginning of pregnancy. Friday a whole different kind of pain hit me. I knew I didn’t have to fear labor cause it was centered in my hips and legs as well as my arms. Reading my books it says that a woman’s pelvis softens in the third trimester and can get a little painful. Well I am hear to tell you that I have a HIGH pain tolerance and that hurt like shit. I was in tears my legs hurt so bad and I had to break down and take Tylenol which I have not done since I was ill with a fever. I laid in bed the hole night unable to sleep because of it. On the side of smiles however Luca did get the hiccups yesterday. Toni and I listened to the thumps in the womb from my stethoscope after he started. Based on wear they were I would say he is in positioned now and head down. Next Sunday I will be posting the clear face shots of his 3D ultrasound. We will all get to see him before he even gets here. I am so excited. Have a nice weekend folks.

6/8/2008

Toni, me, her mom and my mom all went to see baby Luca in action. We learned that he was around 3.5 lbs and has taken all the food I eat and applied it to his cheeks. :-) The ultrasound was exciting and we got to see his hands and piggies. Leave it to my son to be holding his penis when she looked to see that indeed he is still a boy. He was TOO cute in action and very cooperative even doing some yoga moves for the camera lifting his knees and feet and putting them by his face. All is well in the womb folks! Enjoy the pics!! Some of the later pics BTW were his nose a little squished do to the closeness of the probe. She wanted to make sure they were as clear as possible giving the equivalent of a nose against glass look.

6/16/2008

So it has been an interesting weekend. Saturday Toni and I went to "the Avenue" to try it out with her family for Father's day. I don't recommend it. The food wasn't good at all and who the hell cooks liver and onions with no gravy. *Sigh* Afterwards we came home and I started a new Bentley Little book that is sure to give everyone the creeps. The last book gave me nightmares. I dont know what it is about this pregnancy usually I love HORROR movies as well but for some reason I have no desire to watch them instead I am reading books about men and women fucking environmental demons in order to create these half demons that go crazy and kill there families. If you like a good lusty scare folks this one will make you wanta go "Ewwwwww" but "Damn this guy is a good writer". The new one has to do with Witches and hell lol its called "Dominion". Sunday we surprised Tammy at her baby shower. And I was to learn that a co-worker is her Aunt in law. We had a great time. Afterwards we headed to Mom's to see the Pud (Jada) and spend a little time with her. Luca has been HIGHLY active all weekend long and we were speculating on what appendages were coming out earlier today. Today was a lay around do absolutely nothing pregnant day where that is exactly what I did. Nothing.. lol Nap, eat, watch tv, nap some more... :-) When we are going to see the priest about a christening for Luca and then Thurs is appointment to discuss changes in the birth plan and the next ultrasound. It will be then we see what and how much more Luca is measuring. I know for sure that my belly has stretched and I predict he will stay up with his 3 cm change. The last time I was there I wasn’t nearly as big as I am now. I look pregnant and it pretty impossible to hide. 9 more weeks to go folks! Here is the baby center update for the week....

6/19/2008

So today was the day we went over the birth plan and talked about getting that growth ultrasound. Luca's heartbeat was 138 which was good considering he was sleeping and I am pretty sure facing my back. As the pregnancy gets closer to its end it is easier to start worrying about everything. I love him so much I can’t fathom anything happening to him it would kill me and I am constantly aware of everything going on. Yesterday he exceeded his kick quota but I still worried cause he wasn’t as active as normal it was one of his slow days and it doesn’t help that I slept most the day away and wouldn’t know one way or another. She says I am still boring and that I have nothing to worry about but I don’t think any Mother could be so carefree this close to the end. I go back in 2 weeks for the 33 week appointment and then back again for the 35 week appointment and the growth ultrasound. So all is well... we get closer to the end and closer to the day he comes into the world. *Sigh* 9 more weeks to go.

6/30/2008

This weekend was what I needed folks. My body is getting so tired and so uncomfortable that its nearly impossible not to stress. Needless to say we had a great time. See pics for the adventures. I have an appointment with her this Thursday and another 2 day stretch thanks to July 4th holiday. Only a 3 day work week WOOHOOOOOOO! :-) Here's the update for the week!

7/2/2008

So I was admitted to the hospital last night because I had a heart rate that went upwards to 135 along with several pauses in the beat in the 24 hours period I was there. I am fine. Luca is great nothing is wrong with him at all in fact his heart rate was great and his activity is excellent I was the one with the issues. Its called Pregnancy Related Tachycardia (sp?). Which means the pregnancy has cause me to have a serious heart rate issue. They had me hook up to a heart monitor on the cardiac floor all night last night as well as an IV drip of fluids in case I didn’t drink enough. *sigh* I hate hospitals!!!!! I learned that the little spells I have been having over the course of the pregnancy were due to this issue and like a putz never thought to check my pulse when they were happening until the other night. She told me to take the rest of the week I am going back to work on Sat. night. I have an appointment with her tomorrow for a reg OB checkup and will post more when that’s done. Later folks.

7/7/2008

I am still having small bouts of this tachycardia thing but I am doin ok. With a little over 6 weeks left I am preparing for anything. I have talked to my job and my hours have been cut from 40 a week to 32 allowing me a little xtra R&R. The baby is growing like a weed. He has lost a lot of room in there do to the fact that he is getting so big so his movements are more knuckle scraping the placenta feeling. Less jabs more rolls it seems lol. I cant imagine what it is like to be in that little tiny space with no room to really move or float like he was able to before. The Doc said she wants me to follow up with her cardiologist at GBMC to whom I will be making an appointment with tomorrow. His heartbeat is fine in the 130's to 140 something. No braxton hicks yet (I am hoping I will recognize it if it happens) and more trips to the pot. Luca is still sitting high so all is well. The 19th we have our growth ultrasound and I am excited to learn how big he really is. Have a good week. Tina

7/14/2008

So the last heart monitor quoted my heart rate somewhere at times around 160. I will be hearing from the cardiologist today about all that. My 32 hour work week has started and I am beginning to feel a little bit better. The extra time off allows me to take frequent naps and sit on my ass with my feet up which is something I believe all pregnant women should do as much as possible in the third trimester. My belly is getting bigger and bigger everyday! Luca is packing it on and its getting harder and harder to eat a normal meal without being so uncomfortable I wanta puke. I am counting down the days. We have our growth ultrasound on Friday to see just how much he is weighing in at and hopefully we will find out which method and how soon he will be getting here as well. *Sigh* Pregnancy is a hard job folks. I know I have said it a million times but I applaud all you women who had the balls to do it more then once. HE IS ALMOST HERE! WOOOHOOO!

7/18/2008

So today we learned that suspicions are right. I have what they call a "macro" baby. Luca is only as supposed to as I mention weigh in at 6 lbs. He is a lb and 3 ozs over that. (7.3) Due to all this I am gonna have to go twice a week. Tuesdays for a non stress test and an ultrasound to measure amniotic fluid level. Then Friday for a regular appointment. This is just a precaution to monitor his growth and progress. His heart rate was in the 150's all looked good on the ultrasound. He wouldn’t be cooperative for pics since he is facing my back so the ones we got were of feet and the side of his face. He was sleeping after partying most the night last night while I was at work. We did see him practicing his breathing which was cool as well. He hasn't dropped and I am not at all dilated so the Doc says unless I go into labor sometime between now and the 12th of August we are having a baby sometimes between the 13th and the 20th either by C-section if he gets to large or by induction. I will keep you posted on that one as the time goes by. I will post the pics then I need to get some sleep. I am exhausted!

7/22/2008

There will be an update to this post if the Doc sees anything on my Non Stress test today. Toni and I have an appointment at GBMC at 11 to lake sure the little guy is all right. He is very active as I mentioned (though currently sleeping :-) and doing well. There is a place on my side where you can see the rhythmic up and downs as he practice breathing in his little home at certain times of the day. We continue to progress and anxiously look forward to the 13th. :-) UPDATE: Luca passed his first NST (non stress test) though the nurse called him bad. LOL He kept pushing on the contraction monitor moving out of reach of the heart beat monitor. She had to come in and readjust it. Turns out unbeknownst to me that I will be spending a couple hours at the hospital at Friday cause I have the non stress test, the amniotic fluid check and my exam all then and just a NST on Tuesdays. *Sigh* All is well. Toni and I got a laugh out of it as we watched him move around the monitors. His heart rate did the accelerations (135-160) it should on his movements which she only needed to see 2 in 20 minutes he gave her more then her moneys worth. That our boy! :-)

7/25/2008

Luca had lots of fun today beating on the monitors for the stress test and driving yet another nurse batty. LOL The ultrasound lady pissed him off when she went to take pics and had to wake him up. He looks like a mini Buddha at this point. (see pics in the albums) We have elected to have a primary c section due to his size. I am measuring 39 weeks. She didn’t check me this week and says she will do it next week amongst the testing. Those of you who chose to be on the call list will get a call on the day of the C-section with a time that it is ok to come. Anyone who hasn’t been put on there only need call us or email us saying they would like to come to the hospital and we will put you on the list. Don’t worry were a couple weeks away yet assuming I don’t go into labor on my own. Leave some love on the pics. I gotta get home and get some shut eye!

Night LOL

Tina
7/29/2008

So Toni and I were awarded with some nervousness today. Luca was apparently feeling lazy (I say when your that big with that little space it isn’t unusual to find a comfortable place and lay there). He moved but the monitor didn’t catch it (except one good time) so we headed upstairs for a biophysical profile. The BPP is a ultrasound that sees him move, breath and measures his fluids. He passed with flying colors and rewarded the ultrasound tech with more grumpy faces to which she went around the office showing everyone. LMAO Next time were taking some sweets in with us for the NST so we don’t have to go through all that again. He is a evening mover and a day sleeper. Everything is fine. His heart rate is normal (143) and he's still growing. The lady in Doc Hunter's office said she could see him easily being 9 lbs and some change. :-) Friday is another NST, AFI and exam. Who knows he may be coming sooner then the 13th I will keep you posted. Luca is seriously loosing space.

7/31/2008

So I thought I had it rough before (HAH! That wasn’t nothing). Folks I have a very high pain tolerance. I can't tell you how many times I got my ass kicked by those horses only to get up and laugh about it or how many times I did some serious damage only to forget what I had done. Well now I got a large baby sitting on my cervix and man something has to be happening. Its been decided that my best bet it to take it easy until the big day. While he is considered full term I dont want him to come out until I am positively sure he is 100%. I started nesting yesterday cleaning anything I could get my hands on and today I have scrubbed the upstairs bathroom from end to the next. What can I say bleach is the clean smell. I only had 6 days left of work so I am gonna use this time off to finish whatever last minute prep stuff there is to do. (Hell I even took out a pork roast for dinner tonight to through in the crock pot). Whenever I go a little nuts like this I know my Grandmother still lives in me. My belly is huge at this point (although people still keep telling me that I carry it well do to my height) I wish I felt like I was carrying it a little better. I prolly tossed and turned last night from one hip to the next about 100 times. Poor Toni lol she turns with me whenever I move so its so wonder she gets any sleep at all. Anyhow... I am gonna sit down a bit and resume my list. I have one more thing to post and then we will be good. Those of you out of staters or people who don’t live close by will be able to read the blogs of Luca's birth when it happens as well as see pics right here on myspace. When Toni gets home tonight I will have her take pics of the 37 week belly for guesses on weight. Later gators.

8/1/2008

There has been "bloody show". I am taking it easy now. No contractions yet other then braxton hicks earlier. I don’t know if the show was from the exam since it happened hours later and there was nothing before that. So who knows. Baby could be getting close but still we wait. I will update as we move along.

8/3/2008

So there were some rather large globs of pink (not red) mucus in the toilet this morning. The plug is working its way out. I have had repeat wipes with pinkish discharge that I am gonna assume is the mucus plug still coming. At this point I am wishing I hadn’t let Dr. Hunter check me the other day cause that would mean I wouldn’t be spending my weekend stressing about things coming out of my bug. *sigh* Anyhow.. No contractions. Luca is still very active and things are going well. I have NO energy whatsoever at this point. I feel like its all drifted away someplace else. I have been napping several hours a day and still no energy. Being pregnant is worse then going hypo for my thyroid RAI. I feel like a slug... LOL Have a great weekend folks its back to the couch for me.

8/5/2008

So Luca decided since he was overactive yesterday LOL that he needed a long rest this morning. The more we bugged him the more he said to hell with us and found some other position with which to be comfortable. His heartbeat baseline was 143 so we headed upstairs for another biophysical profile. He passed again with flying colors and I got props for drinking as much as I do cause his amniotic fluid level is still realllllyyyyy good for a baby his size. The Ultrasound Tech snuck a measurement in for me and Luca is knowing about 9lbs. By the time he is born he will be 9 lbs and some change no problem. I am seriously tired today. I feel like I am carrying triplets and my stomach is HUGE! The circum. of his head is 14 inches and let me tell you I am feeling every bit of that in the groin area. This woman was on baby story yesterday saying "Oh I am gonna say this one is between 6 and 8 lbs" then they pulled out a 5 lb baby and I proceeded to tell the woman that she was full of shit. 5 lbs my ass. One of the girls at work told me that she never knew how many people were against c sections and believe that a baby should come out naturally. This is what I say to you people. When there is a chance that the baby could be injured, aggressively removed, stuck or there is not possible way that its fitting out your hooch there is nothing wrong with a nice peaceful delivery. I was sitting through a cpr class the other day and one of the girls mentioned that her mother was able to deliver an 11lb baby naturally I proceeded to ask her what number that child was. When she told me 4 I said well her shit had worked its way to that point my shit has not. LOL Point made. Anyhow... Luca is doing well just loosing room. Hopefully Ill go into labor before the next appointment. Keep your fingers crossed.

8/8/2008

So today was the last appointment. We went for our NST Luca moved like crazy only again the lady didn’t have the monitor on correctly and so we ended up sitting there for 20 minutes while he bounced around until she came back and fixed it in which he was ready for a little nap. Half through the last half hour we were in there he woke up again and did his little bouncing thing 3 good times for the monitor and we were considered reactive. His heartbeat was in the 120's while he slept after she fixed it and that worried me a little so I brought that up with Doc Hunter she said he was asleep and he’s a boy there hear trate it just lower. The longer he is the more I worry about him. No contractions on the monitor so we headed upstairs. We went into ultrasound next and watch him (who is now completely facing my back which is good) grab hold of his piggies and playing with his toes. (See pictures) Everything was measured and again he passed another biophysical with flying colors. From there we went into the exam and Doc hunter joked around telling me I was overdue by 2 cm's. Ha ha! We went into her office and she told us about the procedure for the C-section. I will go in at 8:15 be hooked up to the monitor, shaved, have blood drawn, have a catheter inserted and then at 10:15 be wheeled into the c section delivery room/ OR have the spinal inserted and then be laid back for the procedure. 10 minutes after that Luca will be here. Its a waiting game. I spent the night moaning every time I moved cause it feels like laying there with a broken tailbone. I am swelling in places to and was told to go home and relax so that’s what the plan is. Also if I do go into labor over the weekend or before Wends all I have to do is go in and tell them I am a scheduled c section. Watch out world cause in this phase a pregnant woman has a license to go nuts. I have already told one guy to put his eyes back in his fucking head and nearly cussed out an old man in the wa wa. :-) It wouldn’t take much for some perky nurse to come in and piss me off... Have a great weekend.